Last summer, I experienced the wrath of male immaturity and vowed never again to date a man under 27. I apologize, dear readers, for I have fallen off the wagon; I have gone back on my word. I feel an overwhelming sense of shame as I write this next sentence, but I hope, with each word, I will be forgiven for my idiotic, idealistic actions.

I attempted to date a 24-year-old guy.

Again.

It started months ago when I was still young and hopeful. I almost ended it after our first kiss when I remembered the e-mail that ended my prior relationship. It's subject line read, "Need to spend some time with me now , k?" Yet, I also remembered telling myself back then, "next time you're gonna meet a good one. Don't give up!" And so after that first kiss, I unwisely made myself available. Now, after licking the small wounds of my latest romantic failure, I know that there will not be a next time because

I AM THROUGH WITH GUYS MY AGE!

I will not date another 23 year old, another 24 year old, or another 25 year old.

I will not date a guy who thinks that walking to his apartment qualifies as taking me out.

I will not date a guy who thinks that walking me to the subway in the morning qualifies as taking me out.

I will not date a guy who, after a reasonable amount of time, never once endeavored to take me out.

I AM THROUGH WITH GUYS MY AGE!

I will not date a guy who uses phrases like,

"Sowing my oats."

"Keeping my options open."

and

"Guess we're not on the same page."

I will not date a guy who uses phrases like,

"Friday? Maybe. Gimme a call"

"Tying to keep things casual"

and

"Ask my ex-girlfriend, I'm bad at making plans."

I AM THROUGH WITH GUYS MY AGE!

I will not date a guy who drinks so much that he " blacked out, I don't remember how I got home, but I knew
it was too late to call you. Sorry"

I will not date a guy who drinks so much that he "forgot I had a phone."

I will date a guy who drinks so much that he "forgot that I knew people and that people existed and um, sorry
I didn't call."

I AM THROUGH WITH GUYS MY AGE!

I will not date a guy who doesn't want to commit to me, but doesn't have the balls to tell me, so instead says he's "not in that "'place' right now."

I will not date a guy who sincerely believes that he's, "not in that "'place' right now."

I will not date a guy who, not only describes a committed relationship as a "'place,' but also makes quote marks in the air with his fingers when he does it.

I AM THROUGH WITH GUYS MY AGE!

I will not date a guy who I think I'm dating but am not really dating but thought I was kind of dating but in actuality was not in the least bit dating cause he didn't want to date anyone cause he still had a full head of hair and women love dudes with hair so maybe he wanted to make himself available to all the women who love dudes that still have hair on their heads and then maybe later after he goes bald he'll be in that "place" but he doesn't want to waste his time on me now when there are like thousands of hair-lovin' hot women out there waiting to bang him and so he apologizes if the "affectionate way I treat girls I'm just hooking-up with" gave me the wrong idea which is why

I AM THROUGH WITH GUYS MY AGE!

Disclaimers:
1.
The examples and emotions conveyed in this article are not the result of one man, but rather a melding together of many disappointing and frustrating experiences. Any similarities to real people, places, and situations are completely coincidental


2.
Please note that line 12, "I will not date another 23 year old, another 24 year old, or another 25 year old." is not to be taken literally for it is just an example of Mindy's flagrantly over dramatic nature.


3.

On that note, if you are a 23 year old, 24 year old, or 25 year old who feels that he is mature beyond his years, please feel free to e-mail Mindy with a short poem or essay stating your case.



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