Welcome to 2013, Founding Fathers. I've brought you through time to the present day to offer us your unique perspective on our fractured modern-day government. Can you believe that the wonderful democracy you created has devolved into the bitter, divisive political cesspool of today?
HOLY SHIT, WHAT IS THAT???
Uh, this? Oh. It's my iPhone.
It's incredible! What a curious device. What are these images? How are they changing??? I-- I cannot comprehend such craftsmanship! Are you some sort of master artisan, or an impossibly wealthy Sultan??
IRON HORSES! IRON HORSES EVERYWHERE!
These buildings are ENORMOUS! How is this possible?? Are they all cathedrals??? They must have required centuries to construct!
Guys, we're getting off track here. I just want to know what you think of the Congress in 2013.
[Pointing At Airplane] WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT???
It's an airplane. People fly around in them.
Are mine eyes deceiving me?? Behold, the miracle of human flight -- I am humbled in its divine presence! My soul weeps tears of joy at visions of human utopia, realized!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING????? WHO--WHA-- WHERE IS MY FAMILY?????????
Look, will one of you just gimme a stupid quote about the current state of Politics? Just one quote. I'll even get you started - something like, "When we envisioned this great nation, we never once imagined--"
GUYS! GUYS! Have you seen this?? Our faces are all over the money!
THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL.
My humble countenance graces the note of ONE HUNDRED Golds? Such wealth cannot be conceived!
OH MAN they even got the eagle on there, you see that? Check it out, right there! Yeahhh. This fucking rules. Martha's gonna flip her shit when she sees me on these silver coins.
EVERYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN IS DEAD AND BURIED IN CEMETERIES OF STEEL!
Alright guys, look -- I promise I'll show you all the cool modern stuff in just a second, but first, can you please say one thing, anything about the current government and how divided it is? Doesn't have to be perfect, just say whatever. I'm gonna start recording, ok? Face this camera and begin speaking.
What is this demonry??
I'LL EXPLAIN CAMERAS IN A SECOND, just give me a quote about the government, please.
Very well, as you wish. Uhhhh... "The government of today is--" Uhhh. It's very... I dunno, umm...
Sure are a lot of fuckin' slaves everywhere.
CUT! Jesus, Washington, you can't say that.
Well there are!
What is THAT OBJECT?? IS THAT WHAT CANDLES ARE NOW???
What, this? This is my tie. It's not even technological, it's just a thing we wear now.
SUCH AN ODD CANDLE [Tries to eat the tie]
Stop it! Why would you be trying to eat candles anyway?? Fine, alright, never mind. This didn't really work out like I hoped, so just-- I don't know. Forget it.
So... you guys see that Breaking Bad finale?
AHHHHHHHHHHH NOT YET SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!