The Honest Guide To Setting Up Your New Phone


These are the only two acceptable types of background photos. If you have a significant other and feel obligated to use a picture of them as your photo, you're required to use a photo of the two of you embracing on your most recent vacation with a picturesque vacation-ey background still visible.

Using any other types of photos will instantly crash your OS, I can only assume.

 

The Honest Guide To Setting Up Your New Phone


Hahaha, Stocks. Like you have those. "Hey, look at me, I'm checking my 'Stocks'! Booop boop beep boop. Oh no! My Stocks! BlemCo is down three-eighths! Better liquidate my shares! Booop boop beep boop I love business."

So yeah, free up that space for something actually useful. Like a blank space to make sliding from screen to screen easier.

 

The Honest Guide To Setting Up Your New Phone


Listen to all the ringtone options really intently in a Simon-Cowell-like fashion and shrug at most of them, then begrudgingly pick one ringtone that sounds decentn and switch your ringtone to that one. Then after your phone rings twice and you actually get to hear it, get suddenly selfconscious and switch back to the default ringtone.

Briefly consider purchasing a unique ringtone but then immediately become paralyzed with the thought of choosing one that wouldn't instantly become annoying or lame and instantly abandon the thought.

Then just put it on Vibrate. Who are you kidding? You're no hero.

 

The Honest Guide To Setting Up Your New Phone


Marvel at the incredible sleekness of your new phone. Then after a few minutes, accept the fact that you will never see that sleekness again as you jam it into a rubber-and-plastic protective case, because if you don't do that, your phone will literally explode the third time you take it out of your jeans pocket, because you're an idiot and smartly do not trust yourself with objects of even moderate importance.

 

The Honest Guide To Setting Up Your New Phone


Occasionally, apps will request access your location to help them function more accurately, which is usually fine, but make sure to randomly decide every once in a while that it is NOT FINE and say NO, YOU CANNOT ACCESS MY LOCATION YOU CREEPY STALKER APP! I read a couple long articles online back when that NSA stuff was happening so BACK OFF!

This will keep Yelp from knowing where you are and robbing you.