If Freddy Krueger Invaded Your Actual Dreams

  1. Freddy

    Well well well, if it isn't the good little SCHOOLBOY toddling off to CLASS -- better not be late or you might end up in PERMANENT DETENTION! AAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

  2. Me

    Oh God I am SUPER nervous about the SATs, I can't believe they're this morning and I feel like I haven't even THOUGHT about them in years!!!

  3. Freddy

    Looks like your NIGHTMARES are only BEGINNING! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! Wait a sec... why the hell are you taking the SATs now? What are you, like, thirty?

  4. Me

    What do you mean? I HAVE to take the SATs right this second, and I'm super nervous about it for some reason, that's all I know. The fact that I'm wearing nothing but a really loose bathing suit that keeps falling down and this San Jose Sharks Starter Jacket I used to own when I was ten is NOT helping, either.

  5. Freddy

    Wait, this isn't even a school, it's clearly a backyard in the middle of summertime, and there aren't even tables. And why is there a giant tube-waterslide hovering above the grass?

  6. Me

    Oh, we're in the backyard at my aunt's old house in Central Pennsylvania, I guess they proctor the tests here now or something. And I saw that slide on some show about crazy pools on HGTV right before I fell asleep. I hope we get to go on it after we finish this test!

  7. Freddy

    Dude...do you seriously NOT know that you're dreaming right now?

  8. Me

    Oh hey, it's my friend Jeff who I've never actually met and has a nondescript face that keeps changing, but I magically know him somehow, y'know? Hey Jeff!

  9. Jeff


  10. Me

    Jeff, any idea why every time I look at the pages in this SAT book, there aren't actually words on it? You would know, since you're now Ken Cosgrove from Mad Men but also still Jeff.

  11. Freddy

    ALRIGHT, enough of this crap -- it's time for you to MEET YOUR DOOM in a manner KIND OF RELATED TO AN INTEREST OF YOURS! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

  12. [Hall and Oates' "Private Eyes" starts playing]
  13. Freddy

    Oh Jesus Christ where is that music coming from??? We're in a friggin FIELD.

  14. Me

    Actually now we're at a crowded party, but it's taking place inside a combination of my shower and the 'Norway' Gift Shop at Epcot Center. Man I haven't been here in ages, how did we even get to this place?? That song's been stuck in my head all week, too. Isn't this party gonna mess up the SATs???

  15. Freddy

    Are you SERIOUSLY not figuring out that you're in a dream right now? [Picks up "Norway: Soccer Is Life" T-Shirt, holds it up to his torso, puts it back] I mean...I'm still planning to kill you, cause I'm still mad about that neighborhood burning me like 30 years ago for murdering their children, but this is just pathetic to watch. Also, THIS is what you dream about? Not like, hot threesomes with celebrities?

  16. Me

    Well for your information, I DID just make out with my former co-worker from an old job who I'm not even really that attracted to. We didn't even talk, just were suddenly kissing. Haha, that was weird.

  17. Freddy

    Uhh... YESSS! And now you see the TRUE horror all along: Your SUBCONSCIOUS!

  18. Me

    Nah it's not scary at all, it actually kinda felt like nothing. Eh, whatever. Whoa cool, Barack Obama's here and he knows me!

  19. Barack Obama


  20. Me

    Hey, Barack Obama.

  21. Freddy

    ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! TIME'S UP! NO MORE "HAILING TO THE CHIEF!" (Ahh that was kind of a C-minus one-liner, I know -- I wrote that as a placeholder joke in case I ever planned to kill some kid who's really into politics but never improved on it.) But the point is, PREPARE to meet your ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE!!!

  22. [Freddy is suddenly driving a giant video game tank]
  23. Freddy

    Soooo, you like VIDEO GAMES, huh? Well this is one video game that you'll find so addictive, it's downright DEADLY!

  24. Me

    Huh? I mean, I guess I play video games sometimes, but not like, crazy often. And there aren't tanks in them. What are you talking about?

  25. Freddy

    ...I uh, thought you were super into video games? You wouldn't say video games are like, your 'thing'?

  26. Me

    No...? Yeah I do play video games sometimes, but so do a lot of people. I played Halo at my friend Steve's place last Friday before we went out. Is this my ironic punishment death??

  27. Freddy

    Look dude, I'm working with what I got here, I can't watch everyone 24/7 to come up with a perfectly-tailored ironic dream punishment, and I already got this tank, so just, I don't know, whatever, I'm gonna kill you with this tank. I make the rules here!

  28. Me

    By the way, your face just reminded me of pizza and now your tank is a giant pizza.

  29. Freddy


  30. Me

    Now it's a regular pizza and we're all eating some. Also I've had to pee this whole time.

  31. Freddy


  32. [A defeated, powerless Freddy disappears into a crazy purple haze]
  33. Me

    Want some pizza, Barack Obama?

  34. Barack Obama

    I'm Jeff now.

  35. Me