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"Sorry. I got practice."

The Athlete will be no help in the creation of the project. Constantly blaming practice, they will miss all of the group meetings.  Sure you saw them at Chick-fil-A on your way to the group meeting, but that must have just been a mandatory pre-practice chicken feast. When it's presentation time, the Athlete will talk for 1 of the 3 minutes he was supposed to fill and everything will be a sports metaphor (or what they think a metaphor is). The positive of having this person in your group is that the professor is literally not allowed to give you below an 80. So relax and try not to laugh during the Athlete's portion of the presentation.

 

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"I'll take care of the slides, the prototype, and note cards. You tell me how awesome I am."

The Achiever will immediately make themselves known by emailing the group about scheduling meetings months before the project is due. They want to "knock this project out early," so it won't interfere with studying for finals. If you don't respond to their Survey Monkey they'll begin on their own which is fine considering they're at the top of your class. They are annoying but if you sit quietly they'll end up doing the whole thing because they "just want it to get done right." But be warned, if you don't give them a perfect score on the group member evaluation sheet, they will cut you.

 

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"Sure."

Neither helpful nor hindering, the pawn does what is asked of them and nothing else. The only words you'll ever hear this person say are "yeah," "sure," and "all right." They do almost all of the printing, but will not contribute a single original thought to the work.  The Pawn is an essential part of the group if only because you ran out of printing dollars five days ago.

 

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"Don't worry about the presentation, I can wing it."

You aren't sure if The Talker knows how to read and write, but holy shit can they babble about nothing. They'll show up at group meetings for fifteen minutes, say the presentation is going to be "da bomb," and then leave to go to another group meeting. Even though they aren't helpful during the project preparation, this person will fill any time left in the presentation by the Athlete or Ghost.  Sure they'll fill it with an anecdote about that time they ran a half-marathon but who cares, they're charismatic. 

 

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This person might not exist. Your professor put him in the group when he couldn't find one of his own. They sent you a blank email once so they have to exist but they haven't taken corporeal form in your presence. You tried to talk to your professor about it but the prof just said, "If you have a problem with any member of your group you can let me know in the group evaluation forms at the end of the project." Three days before the presentation, you'll receive an e-mail stating that the Ghost has gone home for the semester. The group feels cheated even though the Ghost was never even there in the first place.

 


 

 

Illustrated by Joel Duggan