1. A Feed Filter

undefined

Facebook is moving away from it's simple roots as tool for stalking your loved ones more and more each day. Now, thanks to the News Feed feature, Facebook is more like a list of things that piss you off compiled by your friends. Just imagine how nice it would be to filter out anything containing all that annoying bullshit, so you'd never have to see it again. All you'd have to do is type in a few keywords like "Family trip", "Baby's first", and "Upworthy" and Facebook would make it so you'd never have to see all those stupid little annoyances ever again. Then you can finally get back to using the website for its intended purpose: Trying to decided if the people you went to kindergarten with have gotten attractive. 

 

2. Meta-Likes 

undefined

With the "Like" button, Facebook gave its users a way to finally express their feelings without the hassle of trying to form sentences. That's all well and good, but why stop there? I mean, it's great that my friend likes my status, but what am I supposed to do if I like that she likes my status? Hold it in? Homie don't play that. If Facebook is truly as of the times as everyone says, it's time to get post-modern up in this bitch.  

 

3. Drunk Facial Recognition Technology 

undefined

Everyone has pictures their friends took when they were a little too far gone to realize that drunken photos are never a good idea, and even though common courtesy dictates that those are kept under wraps, those drunk pics always seem to find their way up on the Facebook. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a way to keep those embarrassing snapshots at bay? Facebook could use the same facial recognition technology it recently installed to look for telltale signs of inebriation, such as varying levels of eye openness and exposed tongues. Then, when your friend goes to put up a drunken photo of you, a message will pop up saying "Are you sure you want to tag this photo, because your friend seems pretty plastered in it." Problem solved.

 

4.  An Ambivalence Counter 

undefined

Everyone seems to want a "Dislike" button to show displeasure with people's posts, but to me that seems a little aggressive. Instead, I think a better idea would be to just include a count of all the friends who did not like whatever people put up. That way, before anyone gets too big in their britches over the 15 likes they received for that picture of that dinner they cooked once, they will be reminded that there are 321 people who could not give two shits about it and hopefully will be discouraged from such reckless posting in the future.