10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

There's no easier way to instantly piss off nerds than by messing up the name of a popular character, like calling the wizard in Lord of the Rings "Crandolf" instead of "Gandolf," or saying "Bubba Feht" instead of "Bobba Feht."

If there's one things nerds cannot resist, it's gleefully correcting your spelling mistakes, so you better double-check the next time you accidentally write "FUMBLEDOOR" instead of Dumbeldoor! Haha - nice work there, Einstien!



10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

Another sure-fire way to anger commenters is by misusing a word or expression, i.e. "literally" or "ironic". People LOVE to correct your vocabulary mistakes; even if you barely mess up a word, commenters will act like it's the most tortuous thing that's ever happened, and they're just TOTALLY decimated by your attention to detail. Whaaatever.


Penultimately, making these mistakes will get you literally crucified, with very few acceptions. Which is, dubiously, exactly what happened to Jesus. Now THAT'S ironic.



10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

Not only do commenters love to point out vocabulary mistakes, also they hate grammer ones. Granted, not everyone's as big of a grammer stickler as me, but if you make even the tiniest little punctuation mistake, these commenters on the internet, are gonna find that mistake and tear it's proverbial head off.


Get a life you losers!



10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

There are some rabid fanbases on the internet that'll get pissed off if you say anything negative about their precious shows. It doesn't matter that shows like Blue Bloods and Hawaii Five-O are actually great -- you can still make fun of them and their legions of fans will just go CRAZY, and it's really fun to watch.


This of course doesn't apply to things that actually DO suck, like Breaking Bad, Dr. Who, Game of Thrones, Star Wars, Stephen Colbert, Firefly, video games, or Bergman films.



10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

Ohh man, if you really want to drive people crazy, you should intentionally misattribute the original sources of things, like saying "All Along The Watchtower" was written by Dave Matthews instead of Jimi Hendrix, or that "Come Together" was written by the Arctic Monkeys for the London Olympics (when it was actually written by Aerosmith).


People online can't resist pointing out these sorts of mistakes. Just try saying that Batman was 'invented' for Batman Begins and in two seconds flat, you'll have some furious nerd correcting you that Tim Burton actually came up with Batman in 1989. Everyone knows that, but still people are gonna think you actually messed up and correct you.


Oh and by the way, The Who wrote "Teenage Wasteland" way before CSI came out. But it's fun to pretend they didn't.



10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

No internet commenters can possibly resist getting into a political argument at the drop of a hat, so another easy way to troll people is to cram a random ultra-political opinion into a piece where it totally doesn't belong, then just sit back and watch the comment sparks fly!


Just as a random example, take abortion. Obviously, we all agree that women should have to undergo mandatory ultrasounds before getting abortions (do we really think women can make that decision on their own? No way, Jose.) But does that opinion have any business being mentioned in some random online comedy piece? Of course not. It's unprofessional and patronizing to readers, and it's also a super-cheap and easy way of jacking up hits and comments. It's just trolling in its purest form.



10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

We all know that Stringer Bell gets killed in Episode 12 of Season 3 of The Wire, but still, when people aren't expecting spoilers in a random article, they will get PISSED.


Here's a quote for people who get too up-in-arms over spoilers: "Life is what happens to you while you're out making other plans." Dave Matthews wasn't talking about internet commenters when he said this, but he might as well have been.



10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

Speaking of things commenters can't resist, any instances of racism or sexism are absolute slam-dunk "furious response" baiters. As a straight white male, everything in society is geared to my disadvantage, but I can't point that out on the internet without someone saying I'm wrong and getting into all the reasons why with facts and whatnot, and it just devolves into this big crazy comment circus.

 

Haha, whatever you say, you crazy commenters!



10 Ways To Really Piss Off Internet Commenters

This concludes the 10th and final item on this list. Hope you've enjoyed it!

Now get out there and start pissin' people off!