"This is going to be the year I get a six-pack abs. They're running a special down at the gym."
Cut to mid February and you've made it to the gym a total of 2.5 times - no, you don't get full credit for stopping in only to buy a smoothie. Not to worry though, you've still got three weeks before spring break to shed the layer of donut dough lodged around your waist.
"I've laid out a completely realistic budget that will allow me to finally pay off that credit card from freshman year."
"How did I just get paid and already have a negative balance?! Damn you, Amazon, and your not-quite-efficient-yet-very-cool gift-delivering drones!" So maybe 2014 won't be the year you finally slay the beast known as Visa. On the bright side, Cup-O-Noodles are releasing some exciting new flavors you might enjoy.
"I should really take a trip to Indonesia this year. Just do it, get out there and really live, man!"
"Sweet! That new Macaroni Grill is offering up 2 for 1 sangria." Eh, baby steps, right? Indonesia will be there next year.
"Totally cutting back this year on the drinking. I mean it for real this time."
You're probably in the clear for most of January and February, if you can make it past the Super Bowl. Once spring hits and outdoor drinking season begins, its glug, glug time.
"Wow, there are so many amazing classes and events going on in my community! What to choose?"
Congrats, yes, technically you did learn something new this year. So what if you did it by clicking through five pages of Wikipedia. How else we're you ever going to find who invented the yo-yo?
"I'm really going to expand my social circle this year. There's so much you can learn from new people."
Have you learned nothing from teen comedies? Every time the central character ditches their old friends for the in-crowd, somebody gets humiliated - it doesn't matter if you've been out of high school for the better part of a decade! Add some people to your LinkedIn, and go take your regular seat in the break room.
"It's about helping others; it's just that simple really."
"I just pledged $10 by texting 'Redcross' to 90222. Man, I feel like a better person already." And you are a better person, too.
"So glad I got rid of all that crap around my desk. You wouldn't believe the extra space!"
Flash forward to the second week of January and your desk looks like there was a hurricane inside of an office supply store. Your peers just need to understand that covering your entire computer in Post-It notes is part of your creative process.