Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Historically Savvy Catchphrases
February 28, 2007
Tired of the same tired old expressions and insults? Jazz up your put downs and colloquialisms with these historically savvy barbs and catch phrases!
"Damn, yo! My phone be blowin’ up like Archduke Ferdinand!”
When To Use It:
When you’ve received an unusual amount of phone calls from someone other than your mom.
Why It Works:
“Blowing up” is a common phrase used to refer to the persistent ringing of a telephone. Contrary to popular belief, Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria was –not-killed when an assassin hurled a grenade at his car, but rather when the Archduke went to visit those injured by the grenade in the hospital. Despite the common misconception, this expression technically works, since the grenade was still indirectly responsible for his death. Also, Ferdinand was a known lady killer who had mad bitches on speed dial 24/7, yo.
“You so in the closet, we should call yo ass Anne Frank!”
When to Use it:
If you discover a male friend with more than one song by the B-52s on his iPod.
Why It Works
: “In the closet” is a popular term for someone who is a homosexual but has not let anyone know it yet. Anne Frank was a young Jewish girl who had to hide with her parents in various hidden rooms to avoid being captured by the Nazis. She was also a hardcore lesbian.
“Why’d I want to get with Becky? Her shit’s prolly dryer than the US during Prohibition.”
When To Use It
: Whenever you feel a girl will be frigid and uninterested in sexual activities, especially girls named Becky.
Why It Works
: When a woman is not sexual stimulated, her genitals remain unlubricated. Prohibition, or the “Dry Time,” refers to the years 1920 to 1933 when, according to the Eighteenth Amendment, “the manufacture, sale, or transportation of intoxicating liquors within, the importation thereof into, or the exportation thereof from the United States and all territory subject to the jurisdiction thereof for beverage purposes is hereby prohibited.” Because of the lack of alcohol at this time, woman were uneager to give it up (just like Becky, that bitch). This era gave rise to the popular saying: “Without her drinkin’, your balls be shrinkin’.”
There you have it! You're equipped all the tools to make sure you're standing out in conversation, like Daniel Webster or some shit.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.