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Private Equity

 

Right, so basically private equity management professionals evaluate bulk single investments, allocate them specifically with market shares and trends (usually based on international performance and those equity data sets), and then, depending on your dividends and your portfolio, distribute them accordingly. This is done either privately or publicly -- often in-house -- but typically across the board with investments that correlate with the shares which you as a consumer provide. Totally depends on your asset class, though, but yeah. It's actually surprisingly collaborative, and the people are awesome.

 



 

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Hedge Funds

 

Right, so basically I like to think of hedge funds as piggy banks, but sixfold and theoretical. Meaning -- in that piggy bank you can put, for example, your theoretical investments, your trusts, your credit and investment bonds, your mortgage rollover, your wealth goals or BDP, as well as your mutual funds and stray cash. That way, with the help of a hedge fund, your piggy bank can expand and diversify, increasing revenue in particular for your private accounts, but also for neither (again, depending on holding trends). So at its most basic, hedge fund professionals take credit and money, they piggy bank it, they buy it, they bunk it, and then sell it off to foreign buyers, thereby keep it safe so that its earnings can gain interest, and ultimately convert into cold liquidated cash (in a trust). It's cool, but it's not what I want to be doing long term.

 



 

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Consulting Firms

 

Right, so basically consultants take a look at different companies' analytics, measure them against graphs of other trends and development scales, and then turn that around and -- using different numbers and techniques -- interpret it. So, for example, a company will come to a consulting firm and say "Hey can you help us with, say, X or Y?" and we'll say "Sure." And then over the next few months, we will - in effect - do that, with regard to investment capital and performance and workflow charts. It's a symbiotic, mutually beneficial relationship wherein accounts and firms develop bonds that deepen via cashflow and market research, but correlating with the different initiatives they're developing with their acquisition targets. Which I think is actually pretty cool. It's a vital part of the process, one that provides a relatively high yield given its low divestment security. I don't love it, but it's good, I'm learning a lot.

 



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Financial Analysts

 

Right, so basically financial analysts take money and look at it, analyze it, and then take it again and show it to clients for other money. These can range from advertising firms, to accounting firms, to company firms, and what have you. An analyst will be given a client, develop a relationship with that client, and then provide them with financial analysis (insofar as their finances and the analysis therein is concerned), in exchange for money, that is in return analyzed, reformulated, and converted into properties -- effectively tripling their scores. We try to keep out-of-pocket costs and premiums low, but with the current market in the shape its in, financial analysts end up bearing a lot of the brunt of that cash windfall. But at least it's not like, I don't know, leveraged buyouts or whatever, haha. Anyway. Job is sick, people are sick, can't complain.



 

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Money Boy

 

Right, so I'm a money boy, and basically I fetch the money, I pattycake it, I count it up nice and slow, and then I SPEND IT ON MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!