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  1. Hammond

    So there you have it, gentlemen! Our plan is in motion, and Jurassic Park will officially be up and running six months from today!

  2. [Group of Scientists cheers and pops champagne]
  3. Dr. Wu

    Hey, before we all start celebrating, can I just make one teeny tiny suggestion about this 'dinosaur amusement park' idea?

  4. [Angry mutters ripple throughout the crowd]
  5. Hammond

    Ughhh, yesss, what is this time, Henry?

  6. Dr. Wu

    What if we bring back SOME dinosaurs, but we DON'T bring back the super-unstoppable killing machine ones?

  7. Hammond

    ...I don't follow?

  8. Dr. Wu

    We still bring back a bunch of dinosaurs and call it 'Jurassic Park', but we don't bring back any Tyrannosaurus Rexes or Velociraptors, so they don't kill anyone.

  9. [Crowd Boos Loudly. Dr. Wu is hit with a barrage of plastic champagne-cups]
  10. Dr. Wu

    Think about it! What if a T-Rex or a Raptor got loose? They could kill dozens of people and completely undermine all the work we're doing! We'd get shut down immediately.

  11. Nedry

    But T-Rexes are SO badass!

  12. Mr. Arnold

    Yeah! And raptors can like, jump and open doors and shit! Who's gonna want to come see a bunch of big stupid long-neck dumbassases roaming around all slow?

  13. Dr. Wu

    Uh, everyone? Literally everyone will still want to come see a place where actual, living dinosaurs are roaming around. Why risk also having people get killed?

  14. Hammond

    I don't know, people are definitely gonna expect a T-Rex at a dinosaur theme park.

  15. Dr. Wu

    You really think people are gonna be like "there's only SOME dinosaurs? Nah, no thanks, not interested."

  16. Hammond

    Think about it -- what if you brought back The Beatles for a reunion tour, but there was no Paul McCartney? How dumb would that be?

  17. Dr. Wu

    If Paul McCartney were a 7-ton killer monster with the brain of a lizard, I would strongly consider not bringing HUGE CROWDS OF PEOPLE to him.

  18. [Crowd Boos Again]
  19. Dr. Wu

    Look, what if you meet me halfway? We do a 'soft launch' of Jurassic Park with no killer dinosaurs, and then if everything runs smoothly for a year or so, maybe we can consider adding some carnivores. But to start, no T-Rexes, no Raptors, and no Dilophosaurs.

  20. Nedry

    ...What's that last one?

  21. Dr. Wu

    Dilophosaurs? They're the little green dinos with the colored sails that spit poison.

  22. [Crowd Boos Even Louder, another barrage of cups flies at Dr. Wu, along with a Bunsen burner]
  23. Mr. Arnold

    THOSE ARE THE BEST ONES!!!

  24. Hammond

    Alright, calm down, we'll settle this with a vote. All in favor of Dr. Wu's Stupid "Raptor Free" Jurassic Poop 'soft launch,' say "aye".

  25. [The room is immediately silent. Nedry makes a "fart" noise with his hands and the scientists all bust out laughing]
  26. Hammond

    All in favor of a Jurassic Park with killer dinosaurs, and renaming the park "So Many Killer Dinosaurs Island," say "aye".

  27. [Crowd cheers uncontrollably. One scientist considers throwing a microscope at Dr. Wu for good measure, but puts it back down]
  28. Nedry

    What if...we add EVEN MORE killer dinosaurs! C'mon people! RAP-TORS! RAP-TORS! RAP-TORS! RAP-TORS!

  29. [Crowd starts excitedly chanting "RAP-TORS"]
  30. Random Scientist

    AHHHH!!!!

  31. Hammond

    What happened?

  32. Random Scientist

    This frog that I was gonna take a DNA sample from just bit off my hand!

  33. Dr. Wu

    See? SEE! We haven't even started yet and stuff's going wrong!

  34. Hammond

    Whoa! The frog changed genders!! It was a female and now it's a male you guys!!!

  35. Mr. Arnold

    IT'S A MAGIC FROG!

  36. Nedry

    GET THAT MAGIC FROG A BEER!

  37. Dr. Wu

    What??

  38. [Crowd starts excitedly chanting "MAG-IC FROG! MAG-IC FROG!"
  39. Hammond

    Now WHO WANTS AMBER SHOTS??? It's vodka and gummi mosquitos inside orange Jell-O. Spared no expense.

  40. Dr. Wu

    ... Fuck it, gimme a handful.

 

Illustration by Shea Strauss