Amir: Before we start, we've had some queries from advertisers this week, and let me just reiterate: WE ARE NOT FOR SALE.
Ethan: Good. Now, moving on to Popeye's Chicken Talking Point Number One, (If it's gotta be good; it's gotta be Popeye's!): is Florida done? They've dropped three games in rapid succession.
Amir: They're definitely not winning in my bracket if thats what you mean. I'm sure they're also done as a number one seed. I don't like teams backing into the tourny but a few first round games against Farleigh Dickinson and West Virginia may right their ship. What's your Pop-Tart Counterpoint? It better be sweet and delicious, not unlike their new Blueberry Creamcheese Pop-Top-Poppems!
Amir: As a Laker fan I was disappointed. I wanted Jason Kidd! Though I'm sure Kidd is more disappointed than I am: he still has to live in New Jersey. The thing is, every team in the east thinks they are a hot streak away from the finals. The sad thing is, its true. In a conference where everybody is bad, theres no need to make a trade. I would have at least traded Kidd to Washington Mutual. Free checking, low financing plans, and the best interest rates in America. Who WOULDN'T want to be part of that team?
Ethan: People railed on the Bulls for not making a move for Gasol, but I've watched the bulls enough times now to know they're not a poorly groomed Spaniard away from the title. Basically, any acquisition an East team made could make them competitive enough to lose the Finals in five games. And, hey, Fred Jones moved, didn't he?
Amir: That was a Blockbuster Online trade, indeed! Not like that lame Netflix trade the Raptors made for Juan Dixon.
Amir: It was pretty bad, but my worst sports injury ever is Willis McGahee's in the Fiesta Bowl. His cleat was planted in the grass and some linebacker ran at full speed, sending his knee back a good foot. He looked like an Emu. (Now featured at the Brooklyn zoo!) What do you think is the worst sports injury ever?
Amir: Ohio State. They are going to be a very vulnerable one seed. Every time I see them play their offense is way too dependent on Oden, who is huge but not dominant yet. He lacks a killer instinct.
Ethan: A Gatorade: Rain killer instinct.
Amir: If a team can get physical with him by putting some crazy snarling rabid defender on him who can out-hustle Oden I don't see Ohio State getting past the sweet sixteen. What are your Expedia.com thoughts? Remember to keep them cheap and affordable.
Amir: No wonder they're considering changing their name to the Kentucky Ninth Floor Shockers.
Ethan: What are your XM Satellite Radio baseball thoughts this week?
Amir: I don't have any. I don't think about baseball OR XM Satellite Radio in February. For me its ALLLLL Sirius. If you want great content and great value, choose Sirius. What are your thoughts on Scottie Pippen? Think he's got anything left in the tank? Preferrably some Castrol GT LMA Brake Fluid. (For longer lasting power, choose Castrol.)
Ethan: Short answer: no. Slightly longer answer: noooooooo.
Amir: It's so sad, Pippen was so good. In NBA Jam. Speaking of which, Air Dog is planning his return to the NBA as well, as soon as they institute big head mode.
Ethan: Finally, some Icee brand hockey news: how about that NHL brawl and subsequent trade deadline? Pretty wild, eh? Moving on what's the Wikipedia Interesting Fact of the Week?
Amir: Well, we all know Terry Francona likes managing some high profile athletes, but did you know he's coached players far more talented than Manny and Big Papi?
Ethan:I can only assume you're talking about Kevin Millar.
Amir: Close. In 1994 Francona was the manager of White Sox AA franchise the Birmingham Barons and coached a struggling little outfielder by the name of Michael Jordan. I'm not a huge baseball fan so I'm not sure what happened to Jordan after he quit baseball, but I can only imagine he was successful. Especially if he posted his resume on Monster.com, with over 15,000 employers, you can't fail.
Ethan: Splendid, and since we forgot to discuss the NFL combine because we didn't use our Puzzlegram brand Sudoku to sharpen our memories, I'll say it now: JaMarcus Russell to the Raiders, no doubt about it. Until next week, baseball is coming
Amir: Goodbye America! And Have a Happy Fehn Hua National Bank Chinese New Year!
Ethan: I think they can win out and still get a number one seed with a bit of luck, but they're just looking kind of lethargic now. It's not like losing to Tennessee or Vanderbilt is all that shameful. I will say, though, that seeing Pat Summitt in a cheerleader outfit last night absolutely ruined all of my high school cheerleader fantasies. I only hope Pfizer can invent a memory suppression drug that works as well as Viagra, Lipitor, and the rest of their line! What did you think of the NBA trade deadline?
Ethan: How about that Shaun Livingston injury? Somebody get this guy some Bayer Aspirin, the brand doctors recommend most! I think when doctors were looking at his MRI, they discovered new ligaments and tendons that were previously unknown to science, and all of them were torn. Worst sports injury ever?
Ethan:For me, I'll have to go with LT shattering Theismann's leg. To be fair, though, Kornheiser's barbs did at least as much irreparable damage to Joe T. each week on Monday Night Football; he was just too slow to notice. If LT's early career isn't an endorsement for massive amounts of pure, uncut Colombian cocaine the way the Escobars used to make it, then I don't know what is. Moving on to the Coke Zero Lightning round: who's going to kill everyone's brackets by choking in the tourney this year?
Ethan: It pains me to say this because I grew up there and still love the team, but Kentucky is pretty crappy. They don't run an offense; everyone just stands around. I know people will still pick them for the Sweet Sixteen because they're Kentucky, but they're about as well-coached as the average intramural team. One of the ones who doesn't have their own jerseys and has to borrow them from the rec department.
For more sports comedy check out Amir and Ethan's sports blog: StraightCashHomey.net