Am I the only one who's had enough of these so-called "journalists" who were sent to cover the Winter Olympics in Sochi complaining? I have a pretty good feeling that I'm not--what kind of writer would I be if I wrote something that went against popular opinion? An unemployed one, that's for sure. Unlike their journalism degrees, the Olympics should be treated with respect.

 

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Not everything is a completed work of art like you. Maybe if you took the time necessary to cover the REAL stories you wouldn't even need a bed. Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford didn't break the Watergate Scandal while wearing sleeping caps, that's for sure.

 

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Okay, this one is a legitimate complaint--but I still don't want to hear it. I understand that being in a city full of ownerless dogs that you could pet all day without any stuck-up jerk that apparently has a million things to do and places to go asking you to stop rubbing their labradoodle's belly and feeding it your pocket cheese can be distracting, but you've still got to make time to cover the REAL stories.

 

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Perhaps more folks would be in attendance if they didn't have to sit next to a bunch of bobos honking on and on about how their perfect lives aren't perfect--all under the guise of a REAL story. When did how much a hotdog costs become too hard-hitting? Rupert Murdoch must be rolling in his grave.

 

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Oh, no! What a tragedy! Sorry we don't all have such humongous dongs and vags that we need an ENTIRE WALL to keep people from staring at our T as in "tasty" zones. We get it, everyone wants to see your junk, now stop writing junk! Give us the REAL stories.

 

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It seems like just yesterday, all I ever heard about was how water didn't have enough poison in it--I think, things tend to get a little hazy when I've been drinking straight poison--and now you come to Russia and it has TOO MUCH poison? What constitutes as poison to you guys anyway? A truth serum that would require writing the REAL stories?

 

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WHO'S HAVING SEX WITH WHO AND WHAT DO CELEBRITIES THINK ABOUT IT? THE PEOPLE DESERVE TO KNOW. HAPPY? I DOUBT IT! HEAVEN (CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT PLACE AFTER YOU, ONCE AGAIN, BUY YOUR WAY INTO IT) FORBID YOU HAVE TO DO SOME ACTUAL JOURNALISM FOR ONCE.

 

Alex Watt is on TwitterTumblr and an ego trip.