Below are six unromantic love songs that should be left off of your Valentine's Day playlists.
1. Mirrors - Justin Timberlake
JT's name is tacked on this song's writing credits, which was good publicity for how this is about his wife, Jessica Biel. Too bad the main premise of the song is how much she reminds him of himself. Connecting with others by finding similarities is cool and all, but the lyrics of this song feel more like he's talking about checking out his own reflection in her sunglasses.
Lyric That Ruins Everything: "You reflect me, I love that about you" ... are we sure he's not literally singing this song into a mirror?
2. Birthday Sex - Jeremiah
This song is the serious version of The Lonely Island's Dick in a Box. Jeremiah tells his ladyfriend that instead of giving her a thoughtful gift or a nice meal for her birthday, he's going to have sex with her. At his place. On his waterbed. When she specifically told him she wanted flowers and to go out. Which makes you wonder what kind of terrible sex they are having when it's NOT her birthday that he feels the need to overhype this birthday sex.
Lyric That Ruins Everything: "You said you wanted flowers on the bed / But you got me and hours on the bed " All she wanted was a few measly rose petals before commencing the sexytimes, but I guess that would have involved putting JUST A LITTLE non-sex-related effort into this birthday gift.
3. Wanted - Hunter Hayes
Music for a young female audience is often generic so the listener can imagine that she is the love interest of that swoopy-haired boy, but these lyrics are cliche after cliche. This one-size-fits all song says absolutely nothing specific relating to the love interest or the relationship or ... really much of anything at all. Pretty sure every line of this song was ripped from a Hallmark card.
Lyric That Ruins Everything: "Like everything that's green, girl, I need you" WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN? You need an inexperienced girl? You need her like you need money? Like you need locally-grown organic vegetables?
4. Let's Get Married - Jagged Edge
How sweet, a marriage proposal song! Except the lyrics reiterate this marriage proposal is an attempt to make their love "relevant" again and not waste all the year they've already put into the relationship. Realistic love standards? Sure. A romantic marriage proposal? Not so much.
Lyric That Ruins Everything: "Meet me at the altar in your white dress / We ain't getting no younger, we might as well do it" Might as well??! BE STILL MY BEATING HEART.
5. As Long As You Love Me - Backstreet Boys
This song has a chorus that repeats how the love interest could be anyone--regardless of background or life experience or current identity. Even Nick Carter's dreamy middle-parted hair couldn't redeem this song as romantic.
Lyric That Ruins Everything: "I don't care who you are." You're saying I could be ANYONE ... your first cousin, a 14-year-old, or a card-carrying member of the Westboro Baptist Church ... and you'd still be into me?
6. Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 14 in C sharp minor
Romantic? Yeah right! Although hinting at a departure from the typical sonata structure, this song is obviously representational of the Classical period.
LOL OMG, way to barely straddle the Romantic era, Beethoven!