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Need advice on filling out a winning bracket for March Madness? Are you single and having trouble finding the right person? I don't have time to answer all of your questions for either of those subjects so instead I'm going to give you some tips that apply for both. You can decide for yourself if the advice is for your bracket or your love life.

 

Tip 1: Accept that the odds are against you

First things first, you need to accept reality: you don't stand a chance. Accept that there are experts out there who have spent many long nights in bed gathering statistics by watching and studying game tape. Mathematically, it doesn't make sense that you become a winner, but math only has so much influence. The human element involved makes everything unpredictable so prepare for the worst, but get ready for a wild ride full of upsets and Cinderellas.   

 

 Tip 2: Nobody is perfect

You don't have to get everything right in order to be a winner this spring. In fact, the odds of everything being perfect are stacked against you and unrealistic to begin with. The media makes you think that everything has to be perfect but very few people ever actually achieve perfection--and they probably cheated in one way or another. This is real life and it's different. Look at your parents: do they have everything perfect? No, and they have been doing this a lot longer than you. Give yourself a break and just choose what makes you happy. Also, don't pick any 16's: they have never won ever and it's a federal offense in most states.  

 

Tip 3: Optimize your odds by playing in pools 

Pools are so much fun! It's been such a long winter, don't you want to blow off some steam by being in a pool? Big pools, small pools, pools with coworkers, pools with friends. You never know which pool you might get lucky in so make sure you get in a lot of pools. It's a great opportunity to try out different strategies. Maybe in one pool, you only do the opposite of what you would normally do. Try only doing what the cat says to do in another pool. It's fun! Even if you don't leave a winner, most people enjoy the experience of being in a pool.

 

Tip 4: Know your competitors

Who else is in this pool with you? Are they looking for the same things that you are? Do they have basketball knowledge or great abs? You don't want to make it all the way to the final four and get shut out of the pool because someone else had a better strategy than you. Be supportive, give advice to your friends when they ask you for it, but also make sure that you set yourself apart so that you have a better chance of taking home the purse.

 

Tip 5: Be patient. Be kind. 

Once you've made your choice, stand by your decision. Cheer the successes and also the shortcomings. Do not have envy. Do not boast. Be not proud. Do not dishonor others or be easily angered. And the righteous shall say booyah. Amen.