Illustrated by Shea Strauss.
By Will Stephen
Twenty-eight (28) hussy pills
Two (2) high-heel skank pumps
One (1) shame vest
Zero (0) regard for the sanctity of human life
One (1) broken used condom (ready to use)
Four (4) pre-paid abortions
Three (3) AIDS-infected syringes (for your kids)
One (1) bus ticket to Detroit
Six (6) job offers to tear into shreds and become a stripper
One (1) marriage license to a leathery man who works in a tattoo parlor
Sixty-thousand (60,000) government dollars that could otherwise be boosting our economy
Three (3) kids (for the AIDS needles)
A lot (a lot) of the cocaine
One (1) pre-written letter to your father purely to spite him, his precious little girl
One (1) express ticket to Hell
Ask your doctor if you:
- wanna get more free shit
1. Take one (1) pill daily.
2. Fuck - all day, everyday.
3. Fuck again, same dudes, different dudes, what's the diff.
4. What are you reading this for, keep fucking.
5. If you miss a day, don't worry - the pill works by feeding off your purity.
6. God is dead. Nothing matters. You worship the Obamacare now.
7. Ask your college health service for unlimited refills.