Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
10 Ways to Drive a Girl CRAZY in the Bedroom
April 14, 2014
1. First and foremost, take it slow! Always be sure to pay attention to your partner's needs and desires.
2. Start the foreplay! Let her warm up to you with some tender cuddling.
3. Kiss her slowly and sensually. Caress her neck and shoulders to deepen your connection.
4. Slowly but confidently massage every inch of her skin. If she's receptive to it, try using your tongue.
5. Once she's comfortable, invoke the sigil of a long-dead Elder God of your choosing.
6. Wrap the unknown terror of the universe around her very soul like a warm cloak of the finest sable. If done right, this will really get her going!
7. Shed your human form and become the physical embodiment of
Athnaug'r Un Dre'gn
, Lord of the Ever Burning Dread.
8. Try introducing a fun new twist like oils or scented candles.
9. Open your Secret Mouth and let the Song of Madness spill forth from your cursed lips.
10. If all the above steps are performed correctly, your partner will be
for more. At least they
, if their mind weren't trapped forever in a pitch-black ocean of everlasting insanity, you
Title image courtesy of
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.