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By Caldwell Tanner
10 Tips Guaranteed to Drive a Girl CRAZY
1. First and foremost, take it slow! Always be sure to pay attention to your partner's needs and desires.
2. Start the foreplay! Let her warm up to you with some tender cuddling.
3. Kiss her slowly and sensually. Caress her neck and shoulders to deepen your connection.
4. Slowly but confidently massage every inch of her skin. If she's receptive to it, try using your tongue.
5. Once she's comfortable, invoke the sigil of a long-dead Elder God of your choosing.
6. Wrap the unknown terror of the universe around her very soul like a warm cloak of the finest sable. If done right, this will really get her going!
7. Shed your human form and become the physical embodiment of Athnaug'r Un Dre'gn , Lord of the Ever Burning Dread.
8. Try introducing a fun new twist like oils or scented candles.
9. Open your Secret Mouth and let the Song of Madness spill forth from your cursed lips.
10. Congratulations! If you did all the above steps right your partner will drown forever in an ocean of everlasting insanity. If she could still talk, she'd be begging you for more!