(a city of normal people is dwarfed by a dizzying skyscraper. You sit perched, terrified, at the very top.)
ANXIETY: Let the glass elevator of manic fear rocket you miles above any probable reality!
The worst case scenario is also the BEST case vacation spot.
(you sit in the mouth of a bubbling volcano like it's a hot tub)
Ever wanted to soak in searing-hot bubbling rage? Now you can! Visit ANGER today.
Bonus: Enjoy total seclusion once your fury alienates everyone around you.
(a calm mountain lake, in which you gaze at your own reflection and take a cell phone pic of yourself)
Visit PRIDE and bask in the pristine waters of over-confidence, uncorrupted by "facts" or "honest self-assessment."
Accessible via cocaine or natural moral superiority.
(a dark verdant jungle. You peer through the leaves at a group of cooler people having fun)
Welcome to JEALOUSY, the exotic land where hours of adventure await other people who are cooler and better-looking.
Where anything can happen on the Facebook page of the girl you hated in high school.
Where at any given moment, someone is having more fun than you.
(you're huddled and very small at the bottom of a huge desolate canyon)
Explore a seemingly infinite pit of despair in the depths of DEPRESSION.
(in smaller print:) Exit restricted to expert climbers.
Be sure to taste the authentic local diet of ice cream and no other solid food!
(you sit joyfully in a peaceful meadow)
In HAPPINESS, you'll find an accurate, compassionate sense of your own worth as a human being and learn to appreciate life's bountiful small pleasures.
NOTE: only available for brief stays.