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You love to experience everything! You want to take it all in, no matter what, but sometimes this can be your downfall. You get so caught up in all the flavors of life that you can't tell what you really like anymore, and everything just sort of blends together. Also, you did too many drugs in college.

 

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You're never fully satisfied, but insist that it is because your mother raised you this way. You find yourself trying to be responsible and independent, but just end up feeling empty inside. There is a constant gnawing feeling in your stomach that either means you are having an existential crisis or need to eat more meat.
 

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You enjoy the simple things in life. Babies often smile at you for no reason and your hair always looks shiny and soft. You are so graceful when you walk that it looks like you are gliding on a cloud. You are a terrible drunk.  


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You are afraid of commitment. When your girlfriend wanted to move in with you, you didn't say no even though it scared the shit out of you, and now she has her own key, more than half your closet space, and a baby on the way. You're afraid of heavy decisions like a pastrami sandwich on rye or going to law school, but don't just give in to lighter decisions either, like living at home with your parents for a few years or getting a turkey wrap. Instead, you constantly compromise so you don't have to live with the consequences of making the wrong choice. 


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You are very artistic and in tune with your emotions. Your roommates are quirky and love making collages out of garbage. You cry whenever a flower dies and during any Adam Sandler movie.


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You are a small child who will eat anything that is close to your face.

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 You are cheap.

 

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You think of yourself as "earthy" or "eclectic," and try to never stay in one place for too long. Your favorite band is Animal Collective and you are in three different math rock bands. You are okay with admitting that you never finished Infinite Jest.    


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You are probably a dog.

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You are the perfect human being. While you may have a rough, crispy surface that makes you seem standoffish at first, you're also sensitive and soft on the inside. You are great at telling stories and an incredible dancer. Sometimes you write lists about what eating certain foods mean, but that is really cool and interesting, and so is eating an entire chicken by yourself. Stop reading this list and enjoy the rest of that chicken, champ!