Even a mundane run to the liquor store would be drastically different...
Hey, you! Over here!
Yes you! Looking for a party? I've got smooth flavor, light taste, and the ladies LOVE me! Do we have a deal or what?
A deal? Um no, I'm not sure what I want yet. Thanks.
Are you sure? Because I'm basically a party in a can over here! Buy me and who knows WHAT crazy adventures you'll end up having tonight! Are you in?
No, I'm not in. Thanks, really.
Are you sure? Because with my festive appearance and...
Jesus, Bud Light, if I buy a six pack will just shut the fuck up already? Can a guy go two entire seconds without being pressured to buy Bud Light in this day and age?
What he said!
Uh, yeah! Whatever Bud Light said! Same goes for me!
Really? That's your sales pitch? Just "ditto" to whatever Bud Light says?
Not just that. I'm also the COLDEST.
LOL. The coldest? You're not even in the refrigerated section! You're as cold as I am!
No, no, no. I'm BREWED the coldest. Colder than any of these wannabes, at least.
Why the hell would I care how cold it was when they brewed you? You're room temperature now.
Oh yeah? Well why don't you buy me, put me in the fridge, then when I get ICE COLD later on you can watch my logo change colors! Let's tap the rockies together, bro!
Wow. This is getting pathetic.
I couldn't agree more, my dear boy.
Holy shit! Charlie Rose? Is that you?
No, it's me, Samuel Adams. Founding father and beer aficionado, at your service. Can I interest you in a stout, Boston Lager, young man?
That's quite an introduction, Mr. Adams.
Why thank you kindly. I sell only the finest ales and lagers and for only a small premium. Shall I put you down for a couple of pints you old scalawag?
No thanks, actually. Your stuff is great and all but after two or three of them I just hit a wall. I need something less filling.
Did somebody say "less filling?"
Save your breath, Miller Lite. If I wanted to sacrifice taste for fewer calories I wouldn't be drinking beer in the first place.
Wazzzzzzuup bro-zilla! You feel like pounding 30 'stones and not feeling the least bit drunk tonight or WHAT?!?
Dude...are you like...mentally challenged?
LOL totally brah! 'Stones to your domes!
That doesn't even rhyme...
You got a problem?
I see you eyeing me, mug. You got something to say?
NO I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.
That's what I thought.
I don't even want you to buy me, poser. That's just what society wants you to think. Ironic, isn't it?
ENOUGH! What is wrong with you all? All I want is a drink that gets me drunk, doesn't taste like water, and doesn't fill me up so fast I start to hate it halfway through. Is that really too much to ask?
Step into my office, son.