Mock Drafts Dating

You can't just commit to a single 15-man roster for an entire NFL season on a whim. What do you think this is, fantasy hockey? No way, you've got to peruse your options, flirt with a couple different quarterbacks, you know just see how things would work out. As long as no one's getting hurt, where's the harm in that? How else are you supposed to determine which strategy really is "the one?"

 

2 Actual Draft Marriage

Do you take this running back to be your fantasy stud, to have and to brag about to strangers who couldn't care less, in good weeks and in bad, in probable status or in health, till offseason do you part?

 

3 Underperforming Player Marital Problems
Things started out so good, but now it's like you and your No. 1 wide receiver barely even connect anymore, much like the many failed connections between him and his real life quarterback. You still remember the player he used to be, the one that swept you off your feet back in the preseason, before you got hitched, but now it's like he's a different wide receiver altogether. You swear, some days it's like he's not even there. Are you really prepared to spend the rest of your season with this guy if he doesn't change?

 

4 Benching Your Starter For Someone New Having an Affair

Hey, for the record you would have preferred to just stick with the superstar you committed to back in Round 1, but what are you supposed to do? Now he's changed so much you barely recognize him, meanwhile this rookie receiver you picked up in Round 12 is so hot right now you'd be a fool not to take a chance on him. Seriously all the other guys never shut up about him, they're all SO jealous. He's younger too, plus all the scouts say he's got enormous hands, and we all know what that means. That's right: big hands, big per game reception average.

 

5 Releasing a Player Divorce

Sometimes it's better to just cut your losses and move on, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. How could you forget the memories you shared with this guy? The time he scored you 23 points in Week 1. The time he scored you 18 in Week 2. The time he got injured in Week 3 and spent the next six weeks listed as questionable so you never knew whether to start him or not until eventually you just gave up. And now, there he is, the guy you spent all summer trying so hard not to tell any of your friends you secretly wanted because you just KNEW this was his year, sitting at the bottom of the waiver wire like some anonymous chump no one's ever heard of. You'll always have Week 1.

 

5 Releasing a Player Divorce

So you lost your No. 1 pick to injury. Big deal. Statistics show nearly half of all first round draft picks fail to finish in the top 10 at their position anyway, so it's not like this was really all that surprising. It's time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back out there. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and oh look, speaking of fish, the Miami Dolphins are starting a new tight end this week because their starter got injured and guess what? Looks like he's avaaaaaaaailable! Go get 'em, tiger!

 

7 Trading Players Wife Swapping

What, it so wrong to want to add a little excitement to your life? So you want to try something new, even if the deal does seem slightly lopsided in the other guy's favor. Is that really so important all the other players in your league have to go around talking about it all the time? Yeah, so you made a trade. Some people are into that sort of thing. Maybe if certain people in your league weren't too uptight to complete a trade themselves, they wouldn't have to spend so much time obsessing over your business!

 

8 Drafting the Same Player Again Next Year Going Back to Your Ex

Sure, things didn't exactly pan out last time, but this year will be different. New coach, fully rejuvenated, you can already tell this guy has CHANGED! This is going to be his year, you just KNOW it!

 

9 Dropping Him Again Because He Still Sucks Swearing off Love Forever

Looks like it's auto pick from here on out. 

 

(Pic via Shutterstock)