1. Boss

    Good afternoon. Thank you so much for coming in.

  2. Interviewee

    Of course!

  3. Boss

    How are you -- can I get you some coffee or water?

  4. Interviewee

    I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

  5. Boss

    Good, good. I mean, you probably heard, Randy stopped working here, a couple weeks ago, so that's BEEN FUN.

  6. Interviewee

    Ugh, I'm sorry. That's the worst.

  7. Boss

    Yeah, I'm just like, dealing with it. Not sad at all! Tooootally over him.

  8. Interviewee

    Haha, totally. What happened, anyway? You guys seemed like such a good fit.

  9. Boss

    Well, don't tell anyone...but I caught him moonlighting.

  10. Interviewee

    Oh my God!

  11. Boss

    Yeah. Just sending emails from his COMPANY ACCOUNT arranging freelance work. Pretty disgusting stuff.

  12. Interviewee

    I can't believe Randy would cheat. On his contract.

  13. Boss

    Yep.

  14. Interviewee

    Well, good riddance. I always thought your company could do way better without him.

  15. Boss

    Oh, right, sure.

  16. Interviewee

    I mean it! I bet you're interviewing tons of other people for his job.

  17. Boss

    Haaaaaaaa. Why would you say that?

  18. Interviewee

    I mean...you're a really cool company. You're so...profitable.

  19. Boss

    Ahhhh, stop, stop. Now I feel like I was just fishing for that. Anyway, YOU'RE the one who always has a job.

  20. Interviewee

    Not these days.

  21. Boss

    Really?

  22. Interviewee

    I dunno, I've been sort of just trying to be unemployed for a little bit and really focus on ME, you know?

  23. Boss

    Completely. I mean, it's too bad.

  24. Interviewee

    Why?

  25. Boss

    Well, I was gonna ask if...no, never mind. It's dumb.

  26. Interviewee

    What? Tell me!!

  27. Boss

    Ugh, okay. You're gonna laugh at me. I was sort of planning to ask you if you might want to...come in and do some work here sometime?

  28. Interviewee

    You mean like a joooooob?

  29. Boss

    No! Not unless you want it to be. It could just be as friends. We wouldn't have to be, like, colleagues.

  30. Interviewee

    Yeah, that would be weird.

  31. Boss

    Right.

  32. Interviewee

    Not because you'd be a bad colleague! It's just like, it would be weird to just suddenly go from being interviewer-and-interviewee to then start thinking of each other that way. Like, I just can't imagine...taking the ELEVATOR with you. Or going to MEETINGS together.

  33. Boss

    Yeah, no, I definitely have never imagined that either.

  34. Interviewee

    I mean, you're like my brother.

  35. Boss

    Brother? Ouch.

  36. Interviewee

    No! No, I didn't mean it like that--

  37. Boss

    Well, listen, it's fine if you don't want to. I'm not looking for anything super serious. I'm not, like, DESPERATE FOR AN EMPLOYEE, or anything.

  38. Interviewee

    I'm not desperate for a job!

  39. Boss

    I do NOT need that kind of drama.

  40. Interviewee

    Exactly. I mean. A lot of my friends have jobs...I guess I'm getting to that age? And I do get jealous sometimes, just seeing how they always have something to pay the bills, and take care of them when they're sick. But I'm FINE on my own.

  41. Boss

    Well, I don't know if you'd be into this, but we could always just do like...an internship? Just to keep things casual and see how it goes?

  42. Interviewee

    Oh, right, because that always ends super well. It's like all the hassle of a job and none of the benefits.

  43. Boss

    Well, maybe not for you.

  44. Interviewee

    Oh, I see. You just want me for my labor?

  45. Boss

    No! Ugh, this is coming out all wrong. I want your reply-all emails, and your bad jokes about the office coffee in the morning. I want your weird-smelling lunch that you always bring from home that the rest of us will all make jokes about behind your back. And yes, I want your hard work and professionalism, but that's not why I'm asking you to come in. I want to be more than friends. And I know it's scary, but I want to be scared! I want you as my employee. I want to hire you.

  46. Interviewee

    I...I think I want that too.

  47. They shake hands passionately. Zoom out to the fluorescent lights on the conference room ceiling.

 

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