Dammit, just spend the 30 bucks already and save yourself the embarrassment. 

1. That's one way to ensure nobody ever ask to borrow your bike. 

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2. I'm sure this won't spill at the slightest abrupt stop. 

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3. I applaud your innovative laziness.  

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4. I have no idea how this is supposed to make eating easier, and frankly, don't want to know. 

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5. Completely road legal, NO REALLY.  

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