I'm a "writer". And as a "writer", I'm chock full of ideas for stories from head to toe. It's overwhelming, really, and while I write down a lot of these ideas and turn them into short stories, plays, and erotic fan-fiction, a lot of it goes unwritten. I have so many ideas that I don't know what to do with them, and that's why I'm writing this article--to give you, the reader, movie ideas that I don't have time for. And the best part? You don't have to pay a single cent for them.
Think about it, guys. We're talking about different regions engaging in an all-out war, on a massive scale never before seen, all to defeat the most heinous of all dictators. Better snatch this one up fast guys, unless you HATE money.
Alright, so this is more of an idea for an ending rather than an idea for an entire movie, but think about it, guys: IT WAS EARTH, THE WHOLE. TIME. If that isn't some fantastic and original writing, then shit, I don't know what is.
Does your mind hurt? Because I just fucking blew it to tiny chunks. That's right, a frickin' writer, someone who writes for a living, who can't produce a single sentence. What?! We'll throw in some other unfamiliar elements in there too, like how the writer is an alcoholic and sleeps around. Shit, it feels like a crime, giving you guys all of these sweet, sweet movie ideas.
We've had vampire movies. We've had werewolf movies. But have we ever had a movie that has both vampires and werewolves? The answer is no. Never. Not once. Let's change that. With a movie. About vampires and werewolves. We'll call it Werewolves and Vampires.
Humans can clone dinos for some bullshit amusement park, that's pretty cool. EXCEPT THE RADIATION FROM THE CLONING CAN BRING THE DEAD BACK TO LIFE. The sudden influx of zombies eating people has led to poor maintenance at Dinosaur Land (wish I had a better name for it), so now all the flesh eating dinos have escaped (only carnivores were cloned, none of those bullshit Littlefoot pussies). Humans must band together to stop the Dinosaur/Zombie menace in what will be called World War D/Z. Chaos ensues, and your bank account fills up.
Do I smell a sequel?! #5 is bound to be a smash hit, so naturally Hollywood's going to want a part 2 to make some more of that green. In this sequel, the dino/zombie menace has been destroyed for a year now, all of them buried in the ocean. Only, the combination of the decomposing zombies with the decomposing dinos has resulted in their reanimation. Imagine an army of zombie dinosaurs emerging from the ocean to an Iron Maiden song or something equally ass-kicking. IMAGINE IT. Now write it and be etched forever in Hollywood legend.
Imagine a smart-talking, street-walking dog possessed by the ghost of, let's say, a cop. Now this poon-hounding, booze-pounding, wise-cracking pooch and his rookie partner Jenkins must figure out who is murdering people and stuffing their bodies with miscellaneous contraband to be smuggled across the border (you can flesh out the details later). I'll even slip in a tagline for you: This summer, things get...ruff.
An abandoned cabin by a lake. A group of frighteningly horny, sexually-driven teenagers. A murderer running rampant. Sound familiar? Of course not, because I just came up with it. Be sure to include gratuitous sex scenes in this one or it'll get lost in the ether.
Jerry Knucklemanter is terrible at his office job--he's late for meetings, constantly shreds important documents, and his sexual harassment claims are through the roof. On the verge of getting fired, he receives help from the most unlikely source: his office supplies! Stapler, Telephone, Ergonomic Chair, and others reveal that all office supplies can talk, and they want to help Jerry keep his job on the condition that he makes sure none of the office supplies get thrown away and replaced with new ones. Also the office supplies sing and dance.
Of all the movies made about sports, football is the only one. But we only see the players' side of the story. What if--and hold on to your sphincters here--we were able to hear the story from the football's point of view? Cha-ching! From the rejection pile of a Wilson Football factory to the field of the Superdome, this little football-that-never-could never gave up on his dreams and made it all the way to the Super Bowl. Maybe throw in a troubled youth or two in there, as well. Makes me shed a tear just thinking about it.