undefined


Complaining about ads is nothing new or novel (except for the ads that completely fund this site, which are ALL outstanding!) But when it comes to overly-thought-out commercial Hashtags, ads really achieve an entirely new level of simultaneous uselessness, cluelessness and desperation.

NO ONE HAS EVER ACTUALLY USED A COMMERCIAL HASHTAG. Unless it was to make fun of it. Yet every commercial insists on using them because they seem modern and trendy and necessary, and because people who make ads have to do stuff.

The human brain cannot shut off faster then when it heards "Send us YOUR Bennigan's Selfies with the hashtag #BENthereDONEthat and YOU could win a free plate of wings on #WINGINwednesdayzzz! That's an $8 value in exchange for public record of that photo existing forever!!"



undefined


When you're watching sports or some tv event with friends (basically the only two things anyone watches in realtime anymore), there's a very simple remote flipping procedure: You have one PRIMARY thing (the thing you're gathering to watch), and one SECONDARY thing (another game or something else funny) that you flip to during commercials.

Social law dictates that the two jobs of the remote holder are to 1) Flip to the second thing whenever the first thing goes to commercial, and 2) Flip BACK to the first thing in time for it to return, and not just forget about it and leave the second thing on. Failure to accomplish either task shall result IN THE IMMEDIATE PENALTY OF everyone else in the room getting slightly annoyed.

For added annoyance, someone doing a bad job with the remote falls into that specific category of "Frustrating enough to be frustrating, but not frustrating enough for you to be able to point it out without seeming like an asshole, so you just have to accept it."



undefined


Two VERY simple rules here:

1) When you're at a party, the host of the party picks the music. If you change the music without asking, or worse yet, unplug their device and plug in YOURS, you are a giant asshole.

2) When you're in a car, same deal: Driver picks the music, or delegates the spreading around of others picking the music, in accordance with the length of the trip and number of people in the car. Turning off the driver's music without asking shall result in justified mild annoyance.



undefined


I am extremely not a vegetarian. I eat meat, I love meat, I bathe in pulled pork and nap with fried chicken and bacon is TOTALLY my spirit animal (bacon = EPIC!!!!!! ftw) and whatever else we all constantly declare online, etc, etc.

That said, when did all of Twitter decide that every vegetarian was a smug asshole who constantly rubs their idealism in everyone's faces? I see another hack joke about this almost daily, and yet, I literally don't know a single vegetarian who does that, and actually know way MORE who are really sheepish about bringing it up because they don't want to seem judgmental or impolite (if someone's just offered them something with meat, for instance.)

If some vegetarian is going around constantly smugly throwing their vegetarianism in your face, that person is just a REGULAR ASSHOLE. Who is also a vegetarian. It's the type of person who'd be really annoying about ANY shit they're into, and isn't reflective of some secret smug society of vegetarians who us meat-eaters need to constantly, broadly rip on for no real reason.

Now, if your argument is "most people are just annoying" and a portion of "most people" mathematically includes vegetarians, well then...



undefined

 

Have you seen this shit? Most of it sucks. The Onion's funny. And like, email's pretty cool. Probably something else? Whatever.

Anyway, thank you for reading another fun College Humor dot com article! Please continue to read & ENJOY!


Other things you have WAY too many opinions about? Leave 'em in the comments.