You know who's beautiful and rich and powerful? Not us, no, it's celebrities! Let's take 'em down a peg!

Each of these stars protects a dark secret: a first name. Like idiots, these celebs all have first names!

Watch the glitter momentarily fade away as we hit you with the titles these dorks were given when they slid out of their moms!

 

1. Christopher Walken

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2. Jack Black

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3. Portia de Rossi

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4. Bono

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5. Elton John

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