For everyone who is not born between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day, a birthday means presents, cake, and plenty of family and friends around. For everyone else, it means you've become a burden on someone's to-do list. With all the hubbub of the holidays, it's easy for everyone else to forget that you were also born, and that if it weren't for this time of year, that would be the main event. Here are things only folks born around the holidays understand:

 

1. People are SHOCKED you're born on a holiday.

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"Your birthday is on Christmas? Really? Really?" As though being born on some other day of the year is completely in the realm of the possible, whereas being born anytime around the Winter Solstice seems totally unbelievable. Who could have thought! It's like science fiction!

 

2. After the shock, they pity you.

"Oh wow, Christmas. That must suck." Well gee, thanks for the reminder, buddy. Just because I'm born during the holidays doesn't mean I need to be reminded that it's not the most ideal time to celebrate anything other than Santa Claus coming back to town.

 

3. Planning anything is futile.

When you're young, you expect a birthday party full of life and fun! But when planning anything that's not a holiday party around the holidays, your birthday becomes the event that dampens the holiday spirit. You are the cause behind stress, more planning, rearranging plans, and everyone hating you for thinking it was okay to have a birthday thing smack in the middle of everything else. *steely-eyed* How dare you.

 

4. You still have to give two gifts even though other people give you one.

Yeah, YOU have to buy everyone in the family a gift at your birthday and during the holidays. Yet when your birthday rolls around every year, oh how the tables have turned. "We got you a joint gift." Um, I want two, just like every other person?

 

5. Everyone is out of town.

We will all probably end up alone, surrounded by cats who eat our faces, but that day isn't supposed to come for quite a long time. But right now, in your youthful vigor, you have friends who you want to have join you in celebrating good times. Except they are all gone, leaving you alone, with one cat, who will soon join another, creating an army of cats ready to eat your face when you die much sooner than you thought.

 

6. You can't be selfish on your day.

Your birthday might be Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve -- it might hover around one of those days or holiday weekends -- but your birthday is no longer yours. It belongs to the family tradition of watching football or hanging stockings. Your birthday is so deeply entwined with the holiday season that you don't know who you are anymore. Time stands still. You are but a ghost of the identity you once had.

 

7. There is no way your birthday is a bigger deal than The Lord.

Of course, I mean a Christian Lord, Our Savior Jesus Christ, for Whom All This Stuff Is Being Celebrated, Hallelujah to His Holy in the Highest, Amen. The guy is (for Christianity) literally the reason for the season. It's like trying to beat Michael Phelps at swimming. You just can't compete.

 

8. If everyone else ignores you, there's always HBO GO.


Screw your folks and friends -- find someone's HBO GO password and steal it for your own nefarious TV watching. I don't need love from those people! I need the glowing warmth of television! You'll never forget me, right TV? (hugs TV) Yes...you'll never forget me...