For over 400 years, The Uncommon App has been the standard for college applicants with noble, rich, or generally important ancestry. Famous Uncommon App users include: George W. Bush, Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, and some other white Presidents.
Next year's Uncommon App will look something like this:
Second Middle name:
Third Middle name:
Is this your college of choice?
Are we just the right mix of study and fun?
In your opinion, are we better than Cornell?
Will you be bringing a horse to school?
If you are bringing a horse to school, will you be paying to have it stabled?
What were your SAT scores?
(NOTE: we will multiply this number by five before entering it in our system)
If you are unable to attend an exam because of illness or independent vacation, do we have your permission to sit someone in your place who will fill in all the correct answers?
Upon receiving this application, our mason will begin crafting a statue of you riding a horse, which we will place in the center of our quad: would you prefer that it be fashioned in bronze or marble?
If you receive a grade below an A- for a course, such as a D+, do we have your permission to re-enter it as an A?
Is "HORSE" a type of:
(NOTE: no reason to consult your private tutor for this one--both answers are correct)
SUPPLEMENTARY ESSAY PORTION. PLEASE ANSWER AT LEAST NONE OF THEM.
1.Using a calculator, count the number of bedrooms in your house.
2.Your father's airplane needs a last minute repair. In order to join your family in Monte Carlo in time for your dog's birthday, you will have to board a connecting flight that will layover in Spain for twenty minutes. This airport does not have WiFi or Internet access of any sort, there are no strip clubs, and you forgot your crayons on the first plane. How will you spend these twenty minutes?
3.Your horse is bleeding, your father is having a seizure, and your dog is angry: what iPhone app will you use to pass the time before your servant comes to help?
Congratulations, you have been accepted to the class of 2020! Please send this document to any admissions office that accepts the Uncommon App along with a blank check made payable to the college of your choosing. Thank you for your business, and have fun at school!