undefined Whether it was those cashews in your hotel room or a $2 movie on GooglePlay, your parents have inevitably forbidden you from certain luxuries your entire life, with the sole explanation that "it costs money." It literally never mattered how much money, it just mattered that it cost money. We never offered to throw a few pennies their way to make up for the cost; we just accepted it. Even today, I am reluctant to indulge in certain activities, because they cost money. I feel fine paying $6 for a bagel at the airport, but I would feel nauseous if I paid $1 for wifi on the plane. Most things cost money! What is the line? Somebody please explain this abstract line. Like, my parents sent me to private school, but I could only talk on the phone to people who had t-mobile for like 3 years. 

 

undefined We all have to keep our seatbelts buckled. The buckle lies conveniently close to your bladder so that after you consume the complimentary drinks on the plane (and you have to consume those--they don't "cost money."), you are forced to use the world's most uncomfortable bathroom. It's this cruel trick the airlines are playing on us. There is NO way a loose seatbelt across your lap is going to keep you safe in case of a crash. That is just not enough to protect you. Also, you bounce up and down in your seat just as much with turbulence as you would without the seatbelt. They just like to put the light on and piss us off.

 

undefined Public buildings are required to have a certain number of exits in case of emergency, but what is the point of assigning certain exits as specifically for emergency in all of these buildings. Those exits are there to say to you that hey, this is a door that could get you in and out of the building, but we're not going to let it. Instead, if you try to use it in a normal situation, we're going to make an alarm go off so that everybody looks at you. Don't worry, we'll make sure that one guy is around to come up and explain to you that "you're not supposed to use that door." Thank you, sir. I had no idea based on the alarm that's going off and drawing all of this attention to me, when all I wanted to do was slip out.

 

undefined You are seconds away from disinfecting your hands. Does it matter if you have to press a dirty button to do so? Chances are, you just wiped your butt hole. Your hands are already pretty dirty. Pressing a dirty button is nothing after pressing a dirty butt. Automatic soap dispensers make you look like a fool waving your hand past the sensor over and over again until it finally sprays way too much or way too little soap. Automatic sinks? Sure. That makes sense. Automatic soap dispensers? WHY.

 

undefined What the fuck kind of meat has a tofu-like texture and/or taste?