To some, fashion is a waste of time. To others, it's the end all and be all of their universe. For the rest of us, it's like, I don't know, something to look at during the Oscars? But no matter what you think of fashion, it's always been weird and stupid. Here's a look at the many ways in which bizarre fashion has made its impact over the centuries:
Hey, check out that stupid powdered white wig with the curls and ribbons and bows! Pretty stupid, huh? What started as a cover for King Louis XIII of France's baldness became the look du jour for kings, politicians, and aristocrats, including the Founding Fathers. Ugh, how embarrassing for them.
Tie a big weird poofy thing around your neck? "Don't mind if I do!" said Shakespeare and everyone else around him. As time wore on, they grew in size and girth, more ruffly than poofy than imaginable. To be or not be...completely surrounded by dumb ruffles.
Back when Cleopatra was rocking eyeliner, noblewomen wore cones of fat on their heads to ward off the smell of desert sweat. When it got unbearably hot, the heat would melt the fat and perfume the air. Doesn't make Tom's of Maine look so hippie now, does it?
Oh, are you referring to the stomach-sucking contraption designed to make women's waists smaller while simultaneously cutting off circulation to the torso? Yeahhh. Those suckers were used to squeeze women's waists to the point that they literally broke ribs. There's something to be said for letting it all hang loose -- mainly that it doesn't involve hospitalization.
You know how you look in the mirror and you're all, "I'd look so hot with a giant ass hoop under my skirt"? Well, ladies thought so too during the 19th century. Only trouble was they didn't look so flawless when they couldn't walk through doors or sit down and reveal everything underneath the petticoats. In fact, 19th century bros used to complain women were totally unapproachable in them.
These heavily starched collars were worn by the ne'er-to-dos of Fancy Men Society. Fasten the white collar to the shirt with studs, and now you can't breathe! For real, they were starchy to the point of choking.
Cara Delevinge's eyebrows? GROSS. Pluck 'em all out, say aristocratic ladies. It gives you a more noticeable forehead. You know, that ol' point of interest.
The nobility of the Tudor period blackened their teeth on purpose to show off they were so rich they could eat all kinds of sugar. Nowadays, only the rich can afford to whiten their teeth. "It's the ciiiiircle of liffffffeeeeeee...."
What's with those insane bird masks in the 14th century? Was it like, cosplay? Actually, it was freelance doctors who were hired to figure out what was wrong with everyone as they died of the Black Plague. The mask was filled with sweet smelling spices and flowers, because they felt the stinking smell of Medieval Europe was the cause of death. Alternately, some believe they were worn to scare off evil spirits. Man, people are DUMB.
BWAHAHAHA. A dick enhancer on the outside of your pants? BWAHAHAHAHA.