Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Need a New Job? This Man Wants to Pay You to Be a Human Gargoyle
January 30, 2015
A mysterious Canadian entrepeneur has the opportunity of a goddamn lifetime.
The text reads:
Hello, Im a very rich entrepreneur looking for 2 people around 150 pounds in weight to pose all day long as human gargoyles, the pedistal you will be perched on is 1 square foot and you must remain there perfectly still for the entire shift no matter what the weather, lunch and bathroom breaks can only occur when there is absolutely knowbody in the area, being seen off your pedistal by anyone will get you terminated immediately. costume and makeup are from 5:00am to 7:00am time posing as gargoyle will be 7:00am to 5:00pm, non smokers preferred.respond with your weight and build no resume required... only serious inquiries"
So, I have some questions for Mr. GargoyleLuver77:
Do I have to be EXACTLY 150 because I'm really trying to be a svelt 145 at the moment.
Do we get paid vacation time? Can I sometimes wear a funny hat on top of my gargoylean head just to spice things up from time to time?
If I stay still can I just take a poop while remaining on my 1 square foot ped (I really don't want to break character, you know. I take my work seriously)?
These REAL inquiries because like, I'm suuuper interested in this be my actual day job.
(this is not acutally me, btw. But I think it's an accurate reflection of my abilities.)
Can't wait to be living out my destiny in the Head of Chezzetcook, NS.
PS: If this is a joke post, I hope you feel good about ruining my dreams.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.