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Quote: "You're not wearing greeEEEEeeen!"

Outfit: Green shit, head to toe

Drinking: Not enough to excuse this kind of behavior.


 

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Quote: "Um, ACTUALLY, St. Patrick wasn't even Irish - he was Welsh. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT I INFORM YOU OF THIS."

Outfit: Hard to see in the cloud of vape cigarettes.

Drinking: Jameson. Well, they ordered it, and sipped it lightly once, but they're not quite "drinking it."


 

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Quote: "...juhh...juuuust wuhh-one more shot..."

Outfit: Whatever it was, it's covered in haggis-y vomit. Yeah, haggis is a Scottish thing, but you try explaining that to the drunkest person in the diner at 10am.

Drinking: Never again. Until SPRING BREAK WOOOOOOO oh god here comes more haggis BWWWUHHHHH


 

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Quote: "Why is this the only kind of work available for little people? This is so demeaning."

Outfit: Pretty much the same outfit they rented for the Christmas elf season. No one seems to notice so who cares.

Drinking: Enough to get them through this shitty day. 


 

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Quote: "WOOOOOO!"

Outfit: Like, 90% beads.

Drinking: SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS


 

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Quote: "Why did I agree to this?"

Outfit: Old, ratty green sweater, just so no weirdo pinches them. Spoiler alert: the weirdo will still pinch him.

Drinking: Water that tastes a lot like regret.


 

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Quote: "Yer stealin' me Lucky Charms!" and lots of other slightly misquoted Irish stereotypes

Outfit: Oversized novelty green glasses and anything else that makes them look like an asshole.

Drinking: Irish car bombs, followed by shouting "GET IT?" to anyone who looks vaguely Irish


 

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Quote: "Hey dude, this is MY HERITAGE!" followed by a bunch of Boondock Saints impressions

Outfit: Novelty Leprechaun hat and a green t-shirt saying "Suck My Dick, I'm Irish"

Drinking: Natty Ice with green dye


 

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Quote: "Slainte!" and then sorta mouthing the words to "Danny Boy"

Outfit: Flogging Molly t-shirt under a Notre Dame Fightin' Irish jacket

Drinking: Guinness and Bailey's and the bit of vomit they had to choke back down since they've never drank Guinness or Bailey's before in their life.


 

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Quote: "Feckin' Americans."

Outfit: Just, whatever, normal clothes? Yeah.

Drinking: Whatever they'd normally be drinking on a Tuesday afternoon? Yeah, that.