It's finally happened. After years and years of being that kid at lunch who sat by himself who only ate string cheese, nerd culture has finally gotten a seat at the cool kids' table. Not only are comic book movies regularly being made, they're being made so quickly that we're running out of A-list superheroes to write scripts about. Lucky for us, there are a plethora of B, C, D, all the way down two Q-list superheroes who are just waiting to be given the spotlight. Here are a few we think deserve a chance at the silver screen!
Okay, just hear me out on this one. Just this guy's name by itself makes him sound absurd, (and, granted, he is) but that's kind of why we need this film. We've gone down the hyper-realistic-gritty-reboot path a thousand times already. Let's try something weird. Matter-Eater Lad is an alien from the planet Bismoll, and his powers are exactly what you think they are. He can eat anything. With his super sensitive taste buds -- coupled with the fact that he's already a detective within the DC Earth Prime continuity -- this movie could be the wacked-out space-noir we never knew we wanted.
Honestly, if the title alone didn't sell you then I don't know why I'm even bothering to write this. This film would practically write itself. It's got everything Hollywood loves: martial arts action, love, family, betrayal, mystic realms, and white dudes appropriating Asian culture.
Picture this: It's a dark night in a cold unforgiving city. There was a time when men and women could walk the streets unafraid, but those days are little more then distant memories. The city is now controlled by criminal scum, who keep politicians in their pockets and the citizens beat down. But all that changes with the arrival of a man. A man who came from the stars. A man... who eats matter.
Tenzil Kem, or as he is more commonly known, "Matter-Eater Lad", is an alien from the planet Bismoll. There, he's just a normal guy living a normal life. But all that changes when this wacky alien finds himself on the wackiest place of all: Earth! Watch the fish out of water find out what it really means... to be human.
See? Doesn't that sound like a good movie? I'd watch that movie.
He was an alien from the planet Bismoll who just couldn't catch a break. She was an eight-foot long steel girder. Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston star in: "Matter-Eater Lad: Love at First Bite".
Come on, just, come on. Make this movie.
...Buy the film rights to Matter-Eater Lad, they said. It'll be a steal, they said. It'll pay off, they said. Well, now I'm 500k in the hole, and it's becoming increasingly evident that it won't.
Okay, I'm begging. It's come to this. I am begging you to make this movie. I mortgaged my house, okay? I made a mistake. I saw that a lot of superhero movies were getting made, so I went and scooped up the cheapest one I could find. Turns out no one's interested in seeing a movie about an alien with pica. I'm not even looking to break even ... I just need to make it through the month.
I don't know ... cast Benedict Cumberbunch in it, people will eat it up. Who cares.