Wow. Here you are, huh? Didn't remember Mother's Day. Didn't take five minutes out of your day to think up something to get the woman who gave you life. Well, here are some great last-minute ideas, you little piece of shit.
A stunning necklace that compliments any ensemble; she won't be able to stop wearing it! Unless of course she knew it was a result of frantic Internet scouring followed by an Amazon One-Day shipping fee because you fucking forgot Mother's Day.
A decorative Op-Art design coupled with a fragrant blend of hyacinth, white jasmine, and tuberose make for a beautiful accent to any living room. Like, seriously? It's one day out of the fucking year. And it's not like you didn't know, there are tons of ads everywhere. So was it just not important enough to you?
Is your mom a yoga lover? Do you even know what she likes? When was the last time you asked her about her day? This yoga towel is great - it's eco-friendly. What a concept right? Actually caring about something beyond yourself.
The perfect mug for that wacky mom who means the world to you! Damn - what do you think she would she say if she saw "last-minute Mother's Day gift ideas" in your Google search history? I can't imagine it would make her feel too great, can you?
Keep her organized this year with this fun weekly planner. Or better yet, keep it for yourself. Mark it for next year. Mother's Day is the second Sunday in May. Every year. Fuckface.
Strapped for cash? Make her this adorable DIY gift with just a mason jar, craft supplies, and some index cards! This is right up your alley, if only it didn't require a little effort and the time management skills of a kindergartner. Maybe if you started now you could get it to her by Christmas.
Wow, why am I not fucking surprised. Yeah, this seems more your speed. It's perfect. "I can't be bothered to think of a gift for you! Do it yourself!" You're a piece of work. Do yourself a favor and buy a second one to have for when you forget Father's Day.