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Your alarm goes off, you groggily hit 'snooze,' you roll over, then you realize something's up: it's the weekend. HA! In your FACE, alarm, you dumb piece of SHIT, your laws of time NO LONGER APPLY! (You can insult your alarm now since it has no power over you on this day.)

 

Congratulations! You've just given yourself an adult snow day.

 

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Wha--huh? 'We're beginning our descent?' How is that possible, it's still only... (checks phone) WHOA. IT'S 90 MINUTES IN THE FUTURE! I HAVE TRAVELED THROUGH TIME!!! AND MY NECK KINDA HURTS! DO THEY HAVE SPECIAL NECK-HEALING MEDICAL CUBES HERE IN THE FUTURE??? Small price to pay for these newly acquired superpowers.



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You know when you're on vacation and you're kinda tired and you want to sleep all day (because it's vacation) but you're at some beach or a foreign city and you feel obligated to wake up in a timely manner to go see sights or do something that you can't do at home?

 

It's a truly wonderful feeling when you wake up and it's raining and you and your significant other both just know that you're gonna be sleeping in that day free of "I have to do stuff" guilt. To this day, I can remember every vacation day where I slept in til 3 just as vividly as any famous landmark.

 

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Granted, this burns a weekend night, but sometimes, one brave Friday must sacrifice itself FOR THE GOOD OF FUTURE WEEKEND NIGHTS! Those other weekend nights for months to come shall sing songs of that one Friday's bravery, praising that martyr-night when you just fell asleep in your clothes then it was 3 am and you were like "oh well" and kept sleeping, so that you could remain awake and semi-competent for the next few weekends. The song is always titled "I Guess I Needed That Sleep."

 

Farewell, ye brave Friday! A statue shall be erected in your honor, in the shape of "accidentally left-in contact lenses."

 

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Oh, awesome! Not only did you just take an unexpected two-hour Sunday nap, but you also skipped over the useless hours from 5:30 to 7:30 pm, thus bringing you closer to Game of Thrones coming on! Win-win.

 

Haha, stupid 5:30. What is the point of you? BZZT! Don't care. You're already in the past.