Click right to see if you've found yourself a special gal!
Find a girl who has her own life and isn't obsessed with yours. This girl will continue to exist even when you aren't around to witness it.
Delete those texts from those other girls "Are we getting married yet?!" or "PLZ HAVE BABIES!!! TICK TICK BIO-CLOCK, U WOULD BE GR8 RELUCTANT DAD." Calm down, ladies! Turn on the Ne-Yo, and learn how you too can gain a man's approval by becoming Miss Independent!
This girl will take out giant ceremonial scissors and cut through the bullshit. When she walks into her office, people cower in fear from the truth she's going to dump on incompetent employees. Did you just serve her some nonsense? She's going send it back to the kitchen and ask for a full cash refund.
Other girls hide behind sheer veils, occasionally peeking out to giggle sheepishly as you feed them lies.
All those other girls are buzzkill salad-eaters that care about being "healthy" or "thin" (So dumb! No cushion for the pushin', who wants to stick their dick in a couch frame?!) ... or are disgusting obese whales who should be exiled from dating websites because they drink LARGE SODAS. Like, ew, why do those girls even exist that we have to look at their repulsive bodies?
But this girl will eat hamburgers AND fries WITH a beer. And she'll call YOU a pussy for not drinking enough! Haha, whoa!
Even though you're very good at giving the sex, all those other ladies are all "Ugh, but I have headache and work tomorrow?" or "Sigh, I guess I'll have sex with you now but not until after I read my dumb vagmag on 10 Ways to Please a Man."
But this one is like "Yes, I enjoy sexual gratification!" Sometimes she'll even initiate sex with an aggressive move, and you're like "WHOAAA GULP humina humina, she actually WANTS sex???" IS THIS WOMAN EVEN REAL?!
She thinks women should be able to vote and drive a car (not well though AMIRITE) but this girl can ACTUALLY TAKE A JOKE. Like when you say "Go make me a sammie," she knows you're joking and laughs at your goodmanjokes, which are always good.
She's not like those other girls who say things that make you feel uncomfortable when you say things that make them uncomfortable. Come on, you're a good person so you can't be capable of being sexist! Learn to take a joke, other girls! They're really mad at me now! Whoa, catfight! Haha I'm just kidding, relax!
You know you've found a keeper when she has valid interests, like you. This girl likes lacrosse. WHOA. Who is this girl even, and can I get her number? She also likes obscure videogames? Are you sure she's even a GIRL?
All those other girls are interested in dumbshit:
shopping : How is this FUN? Just buy a shirt and get outta there. Why are they always buying clothes that they are just gonna wear?!
fruity mixed drinks : nonbrown alcohol?! ... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!??!?! DRINK THE RIGHT COLOR ALCOHOL!
dumb music: Ukuleles are dumb tweeshit, but metal guitars are goodrealmusicshit. If a 12 year-old girl could enjoy your music, you should probably die and spend eternity in Bad Music Hell.romance books : the pathetic, desperate books by women with dumb Fabio men on the cover ... not the good literary romance with the good covers written by men, like John Green or Nicholas Sparks.
All those other girls are just like those B-plot characters you saw in an episode of an ABC Family Original Christmas special, but this one is a real human with complexity and depth, so you might actually like her!!?!?!!!
If you somehow have found a girl like that, HOLD ONTO HER TIGHT. You've caught yourself a rare beautiful snowflake in a blizzard of dumb ice chunks. It's a once in a lifetime occurrence some of us can only dream of --