If you have a fantasy product that's so stupid it couldn't possibly exist, rest assured, IT DOES. Find it all here, here, and here.
The newest edition to "stupid crap that some relative is probably buying you at this very moment" is the Pizza Pouch. It's a necklace that allows you to wear your pizza.
Yes, for the low -- but still overpriced -- price tag of just $8 you can walk around with a slice of pizza on your neck. Pull it out of its greasy plastic bag and enjoy that slice wherever you like: on the bus, in line, on the toilet, during a job interview, at another pizzeria. The possibilities of where you can take your pizza pouch are endless!
As you can see, it's made for the traditional triangle-shaped slice, so you could have trouble with a Sicilian slice, but just go ahead cram it in there. You're already wearing a slice of pizza around your neck, so you can't possibly look anymore stupid.