The newest edition to "stupid crap that some relative is probably buying you at this very moment" is the Pizza Pouch. It's a necklace that allows you to wear your pizza.
Yes, for the low -- but still overpriced -- price tag of just $8 you can walk around with a slice of pizza on your neck. Pull it out of its greasy plastic bag and enjoy that slice wherever you like: on the bus, in line, on the toilet, during a job interview, at another pizzeria. The possibilities of where you can take your pizza pouch are endless!
As you can see, it's made for the traditional triangle-shaped slice, so you could have trouble with a Sicilian slice, but just go ahead cram it in there. You're already wearing a slice of pizza around your neck, so you can't possibly look anymore stupid.