Get ready for these 10 Force Awakens reactions to fill up your Facebook feed for the next few weeks:

1 I got to see the movie EARLY and it was AWESOME

 

The first wave of Star Wars press is going to be overwhelmingly positive, partly because every internet writer who manages to get into an advanced screening of the film is going to HAVE to make sure everyone knows this and compound their jealously by declaring the movie awesome. Plus we're all so desperate for a new GOOD Star Wars movie that it'll feel like eating any food after starving for decades.

 

Also, every one of your Facebook friends who sees it opening night is going to loudly declare that it's awesome because they have to let you know that they got an opening night ticket. No one's gonna be like "JUST SAW THE NEW STAR WARS AND HOLY SHIT IT WAS ALRIGHT!!!!!!"

 

2 It was good, but it wasnt better than the originals

 

Really? The 2015 sequel to one of the greatest film series of all-time isn't as instantly-beloved to you as the movie you watched 4700 times when you were an impressionable eight-year-old who loved everything? That definitely seems worth pointing out.

 

3 I dont care what ANY of the haters say, I am GIDDY

 

This person is under the misguided impression that liking Star Wars is somehow a quirky odd opinion that's unique to them, and they have to keep defending their love of it on Facebook even though literally everyone likes Star Wars and no one's blaming anyone for being excited about the new film.

 

4 The viral negative review

 

At least one review of Star Wars with a super-dramatic title like "Why The New Star Wars Sucks and If You Like it You're a Fucking Idiot" is going to go viral, shared equally by people who didn't like the movie, people who did like the movie and disagree with the review, and people on Facebook saying "I actually liked the movie but this review is pretty funny."

 

The review will point out some legitimate plotholes and a bunch of minor mistakes that you could point out in almost any big fun action movie, and will include lots of swearing. This WILL happen.

 

5 Thinkpieces about stuff the film barely touches upon

 

People rail against "thinkpieces" a lot, and obviously there's a lot of dumb ones, but the idea of using a major pop-culture event as a springboard to discuss deeper underlying societal issues isn't totally misguided, and often they're well-written and even complimentary towards the film.

 

But with an event as big as Star Wars, where you KNOW it's going to dominate the conversation, there are going to be a million thinkpieces about the film -- some of them positive, some negative, some almost entirely unrelated to anything the movie touches upon -- no matter WHAT is actually in the film. Some of them are going to make interesting points, and some of them are going to suck. But either way, it's going to be an extremely obligatory grind that's gonna fill up our newsfeeds til mid-February.