We don't necessarily want to take this advice, but....go on...we're listening...

 

1.

nipple headlights

via loffee

2.

stay in drugs eat your school don't do vegetables

via kaiklops

3.

shriek

via izismile

4.

recluse spiders at the ceiling fan

via @foodnetwerk 

5.

bologna costume

via whyeyeoughta