1. George Washington died by being a huge idiot

Why Every U.S. President Sucks Deathbed Painting

You know how George Washington died? He got a real bad cold (like, reeeal bad) and then after he got sick, he demanded that he engage in some bloodletting. As in, they dumped out about half the blood in his body. Combine that with his actual sickness (which the removal of blood didn't help), and you end up with one dead president.

George Washington, pretty good at founding nations, but too stupid to realize that dumping out all of your blood is a bad idea.

2. John Adams tried to give himself a fancy nickname and got rightly mocked

Why Every U.S. President Sucks

John Adams wasn't a fan of England's monarchy (in the whole "unlimited power" sense), but was certainly a fan of the titles - which is why he tried to change the presidential title to "His Highness." However, this opened him up to mockery from every angle, and helped contribute towards many dubbing him "His Rotundity" (he was fat AND a self-involved jackass).

John Adams, pretty lame as an HBO series, and even lamer as a presidential title namer.


3. Thomas Jefferson's bed is just THE WORST


This was the bed Thomas Jefferson slept in. No, seriously. He positioned it like this ON PURPOSE.

And it's not like he didn't have space or anything - he had A TON of space in his estate of Monticello. He just wanted the bed to be squished into the tightest space possible, because....well, I honestly don't know. He liked having his bed in the worst possible spot, I guess?

4. James Madison was a little weenie pipsqueak

Why Every U.S. President Sucks

Why does James Madison suck? Uh, dude was our tiniest president - he was around 5'4" and didn't even weigh 100 lbs. No wonder he's on the dime (actually he's not, FDR is - but you second-guessed yourself for a second, didn't you?).

5. James Monroe chased around grown men who worked for him with tongs

Why Every U.S. President Sucks

Arguing over patronage appointments, James Monroe (who was 67 at the time) literally grabbed two red-hot tongs from a fireplace and brandished them at his Treasury Secretary, William Crawford, and chased him out of the White House. Which is, honestly, kind of awesome, but also pretty stupid and childish for a President.