1. "I can't finish this - you want the rest?"

Beautiful red head biting her finger

Oh yeeeeah baby, put it ALL in my mouth! All of that excess pizza, that is.



2. "Don't worry, I signed your name to the birthday card."

Shirtless man lounging ></p>
<p dir=Ooo honey you know JUST how I like to receive credit for basic etiquette while still being lazy.



3. "My work party has an open bar."

Beautiful woman ></p>
<p dir=Oh yeah! RIGHT THERE! WE GET TO BE HAMMERED TOGETHER WITHOUT SPENDING A BUTTLOAD AT A BAR AND ARGUING ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A TIP IS APPROPRIATE!



4. "I don't wanna miss anything so I'm pooping with the door open."

Shirtless underwear model lounging

Oh my god you are so f***ing hot, not making me pause this awesome show just because you have diarrhea.



5. "Let's just stay in this weekend."

Blindfolded woman caressed by man

I have never been so hard in my life.