7 Tips For Faking Your Way Through The Election

Sure, I'd love to join the conversation you're having about these very important issues, really I would, but I just... I can't! I promised myself I would stay out of it until whoever is in charge will step up and fix this damn injustice once and for all! Then I'll regain my confidence in politics and go out to vote. Well... yeah, I guess it does make sense that I'd vote now and actually help fix the injustice instead of just complaining about it, but...ah...look over there, another bird is heading toward Bernie!

7 Tips For Faking Your Way Through The Election

If you truly don't know anything about what's going on, you can always buy some time by outsourcing your opinions to someone else. When you stumble into an election conversation, and it's your turn to make your stand, simply say the magic phrase "You know, I actually read something very clever about it" and then reach out and grab your phone. You've just bought yourself at least 2 minutes of "finding the quote" you made up. Use these 2 minutes to scroll down your Facebook page and look for the first post someone wrote about it and just read that one out loud to everyone. Hopefully it won't be from your most racist friend.

7 Tips For Faking Your Way Through The Election

Eventually, when you actually go out and vote, it's done in private and no one is supposed to know who you voted for. Then why not start this confidentiality right now, with this conversation?  Since you don't know what the hell everyone is talking about, you can just use the excuse of keeping it personal. Spew some nonsense about how you want to feel you made the choice yourself without being swayed and people will leave you alone. Probably because they'll think you're crazy! Well done.

7 Tips For Faking Your Way Through The Election

Honestly, you don't really need to follow any of this to be a part of the conversation. Half the people have no idea what they're talking about anyway. Just throw in some random phrases that are always relevant and you're golden. Things like "Do you think they're cut out for it"?, "They're just so unclear on the issues", and "Did you catch that gaffe though? So embarrassing"!

7 Tips For Faking Your Way Through The Election

"LALALALALA don't tell me, I want to be surprised"

"Surprised by what? None of us really know what will happen"

"NO NO shut up I DVR'd it"

"DVR'd what? The news"?

"Not listening"!!!

7 Tips For Faking Your Way Through The Election

When you have no idea how to contribute to the conversation, just plan your escape route. Be the person who takes action and says that the time to talk has ended. Now it's time to act! Let's stop chatting and go out there and really make a difference! Protest. Make calls. Take matters into our own hands! Speak passionately enough and the people will cheer and follow. When they all march down town you can sneak back to the lunch room and eat all the donuts alone.

7 Tips For Faking Your Way Through The Election

That's the only thing you really have any knowledge about after all, so stick with that. Bernie's such a hufflepuff, right?