You Need To Read This: The Most WTF Court Transcript In History

It's not often that we post courtroom transcripts here, but in the case of The State of Georgia v. Denver Fenton Allen, we really didn't have any choice but to post the completely batshit insane back-and-forth between Mr. Allen and the presiding judge in the case, the honorable J. Bryant Durham Jr. (if you'd prefer to just read the whole thing right now, click here). And in case you think we're pulling a joke here and making this up, we assure you that is not the case.

Mr. Allen has been accused of murder, and would like a new court-appointed attorney, as he claims his first one has failed him in a number of ways, including not providing him with all of the discovery evidence, and purposely tanking his case because he won't let him suck Mr. Allen's dick.

That is not the weirdest part of the case. Not even close...

A few minutes into the case, the judge formally refuses to allow Mr. Allen to choose a new public defender for himself, which upsets Mr. Allen to the degree that he just starts telling the judge to go fuck himself:

Mr. Allen continues to get more and more upset, declaring the judge in violation of court procedure for smiling and claiming that the judge had cussed at him.

Mr. Allen proceeds to tell the judge how big his dick is ("I've got a big old donkey dick" specifically) and how he only uses it to have sex with "white boy butts." It's at this point the judge begins to lose his cool, saying that Mr. Allen looks "like a queer" and misinterpreting the meaning of "kangaroo court."

Things devolve a bit from here, talking about prison rape and the judge repeating the word "YELLING!" over and over, but then we get to this lovely exchange:

Things get even more messed up from here (if you can believe it gets worse than calling a judge "fuckman"), with Mr. Allen repeatedly threatening to murder the judge's whole family (and getting more than a little confused about how he would be able to kill the judge's grandkids if the judge didn't have kids to begin with) and the judge demanding the defendant jack off right there in court, but the whole exchange can mostly be boiled down to this summary by the defendant:

Anyways, you should read the whole thing, because HOLY SHIT right?