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 At Apple's annual September keynote event, a lot of major things were announced: new camera features, shinier phones, an app starring Mario, and - most notably - the elimination of the headphone jack on the iPhone 7 and introduction of AirPods, Apple's new wireless earbuds.

This last announcement, however, is a legitimately awful idea. Here's why:

 

1. You're going to lose them IMMEDIATELY

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Right now, you probably lose track of your earbuds at least once per day, and they're connected with a long, white wire to make for a pretty cohesive, obvious thing. Remove the wires and now you have two separate tiny marbles - meaning you can lose each AirPod INDIVIDUALLY...and you are DEFINITELY going to do just that, on a pretty much daily basis.

Hell, even if you remember to keep the AirPods each in the same place, you will almost definitely have a ton of trouble finding them, because there's no longer a long wire sticking out to make their location clear.

Note: yes, they come with a case that you can charge them in, but that's almost just ANOTHER separate thing for you to lose track of. What used to be one simple thing (earbuds) is now a 3-item nightmare where losing any item could ruin your day.

 

2. They're going to run out of battery RIGHT in the middle of your day

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Apple claims that AirPods have a battery life of 5 hours - and if that's what Apple is claiming at the outset, you KNOW it'll actually end up being a bit less, especially after extended use. 5 hours is...pretty bad. If you're going on a long flight, you're screwed - and hell, you might be screwed on a quick walk around the block because you forgot to recharge them because CHARGING YOUR EARBUDS IS NOT A THING YOU'RE USED TO DOING.

You know how much battery life your current earbuds have? LITERALLY INFINITE.

...well, okay, just as long as whatever the battery life on your phone. But that's still pretty good.

 

3. One's going to fall out of your ear and onto something gross

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Let's face it - you do not take good care of your possessions. That's why you (probably) keep your phone in a case (or, otherwise, have a phone with a screen that's smashed to hell and back). But guess what? They're not making cases for AirPods, because then you would need to somehow increase the size of your ear canal opening or something. And with your earbuds no longer tethered to your phone, these things are going to fall out ALL THE TIME.

And they're definitely going to land someplace gross.

At least with your phone, you're not literally sticking it into your body after it gets a little gross if you drop it. But AirPods will be jammed directly into your ears after you drop them on the subway or in a garbage can or in the yard where you dog pees every day. And that's the best case scenario - there's a good chance you'll drop them and (due to their small size) they'll be lost forever - falling down a drain, onto the subway tracks, or (most likely) in the infinite abyss that is your couch.

 

4. They cost SO MUCH for something you're definitely going to lose or break immediately

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$160?! I pay about $10 for earbuds now, primarily because I understand they're cheap and disposable. To think I would pay 16 times more for something I'm 16 times more likely to lose does not sound very appealing.

 

5. They look stupider than regular earbuds

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Normal earbuds look kinda silly - tiny little things you jam into your ears and connect to your phone. They don't look cool, but at least they don't look like Ben Stiller's earcum from There's Something About Mary:



6. It's going to fuck up when you're using your iPhone and Apple Watch at the same time

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One of the major selling points of the AirPods is that they'll switch sources to recognize the device you're using. But when you're using both your iPhone AND your Apple Watch at the same time how wilpssssssssh hahahahaha just kidding no one uses or will ever use an Apple Watch. "Ooo, here's a tiny worse phone that barely does anything! It's not like you already use your phone to tell what time it is OH WAIT THAT'S EXACTLY HOW PEOPLE DO IT AND IT WORKS GREAT."

 

7. They're not called 'Air Buds'

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Apple REALLY dropped the ball here - they wanted to use the prefix "Air-", which is totally fine, but instead of redubbing earBUDS as AirBuds, they decided to bring back "Pod"? Huh? That's not what these are - "Pod" was what they used for their media player, not the things you used to listen to stuff.

I'm guessing they just wanted to avoid "Air Bud" memes (like, the dog who was pretty good at basketball), but AirBud would have made more sense as a name AND allowed people to make fun memes of the basketball dog. What the hell, Apple?