Finding a roommate that will laugh at your jokes, binge watch Mad Men with you, and won't mind your hair getting everywhere can be difficult. Sometimes you have to settle for someone that pays on time, does their dishes, and doesn't murder you in your sleep. And sometimes they're stone cold weirdos. Here are the 5 of those weirdos that you're guaranteed to live with at some point in your twenties:
1. The Ghost
The only way you'll know that this guy hasn't moved out or died is the lack of a decomposing corpse smell and the occasional footsteps or sound of running water. He leaves before you wake up and gets back before you go to sleep. When he's home, he goes straight to his room and closes the door.
How to deal: Don't try to fight it. Enjoy the fact that you're basically getting rent from a ghost.
2. The Porn Star
She starts out friendly enough. She'll make pleasant conversation and share her weird food. But one day her boyfriend comes over and she makes the loudest, fakest sex noises you've heard outside of porn. Is this for his benefit? Hers? Yours?? She'll never acknowledge it, but you'll avoid eye contact for a few days.
How to deal: Invest in some noise cancelling headphones, crank your music, and try not to giggle too loud.
3. The Slob
There's a not-so-fine line between messy and health code violation. This guy barrels over that line with wild abandon. He piles dirty dishes in the sink like he's trying to break a record. He leaves his spilled shampoo all over the bathroom floor until one of you slips and chips a tooth on the toilet. You can't set foot in his room without contracting at least three diseases. Be careful.
How to deal: It's possible he has no idea. Filthy people usually don't notice their filth. If you're brave you can talk to him about it. If you prefer to avoid confrontation, aggressively clean common areas while he's around and hope he takes the hint.
4. The Agoraphobe
Basically the opposite of the ghost- the agoraphobe is always at home. You have no idea how she pays rent since she doesn't ever go to a job. Is she a blogger? A webcam star? An online drug dealer? You'll never know, because while she's always at home, she doesn't talk. When she shuffles past on the way to the bathroom she avoids eye contact and whispers something that might be "hello." Or it could be "fuck off."
How to deal: Don't ask questions and don't touch her stuff. She could be dangerous.
5. The Chatterbox
When you first meet him, you think you've found the perfect roomie. He's friendly, likes the same things as you, and buys beers for the whole apartment. But three weeks into this arrangement, when he plops down in your comfy chair every goddamn night and talks nonstop until you pretend to be tired and escape to your bed, you'll want to strangle him.
How to deal: Just strangle him. It's fine. No one wants to deal with that shit.