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Behold "Choice of a Lifetime" - a bizarre low-rent version of Pixar's famous "Up" opening...except with the slight twist of Ellie and Carl debating abortion and Carl demanding Ellie terminate her pregnancy so they can go to college?

Yes, it's just as weird as it sounds.

Right from the outset, you'll notice the pretty blatant attempt at knocking off the general aesthetic of Pixar's logo screen (although with a WALL-E type character in place of the lamp):

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The film then goes on to the wordless, music-filled montage showing the love and courtship of a young couple (just like in Up), frollicking in fields, sitting on benches, and getting their flowers eaten by horses... (not like in Up)

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Eventually they graduate (from high school, presumably), get married, and - shocker! - the wife tells her husband that she's pregnant in a super-weird way: by stacking toy blocks behind a laptop that spell "BABY." Ya know, instead of saying "I'm pregnant!" like an actual human being might do.

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The husband, naturally, is EXTREMELY PISSED OFF at his pregnant wife (for being pregnant), because apparently being pregnant means they can't go to college? Note that this is a pretty big departure from Up - where Ellie and Carl support and love each other no matter what. There's even a sequence where the two both dream of having kids together, but find out Ellie cannot have children - and Carl supports her through this difficult time.

The husband is a little less supportive in Choice of a Lifetime.

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So what options does the wife have left? The obvious answer is "divorce that piece of shit for acting like such an unrepentant dick at this fragile emotional moment in your relationship, or at least tell him that he owes you an apology", right? Nope - the only answer is to appease her husband's tantrum by getting an abortion!

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As she leaves for the "Women's Choice Clinic," her husband envisions what life would be like as a parent - and decides he likes it now! So he races to the Women's Choice Clinic, stops his wife in the parking lot, they hug - and they end up having the baby! And, uh, it's just as horrifying-looking as the rest of the character designs.

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Now, there are a LOT of issues with this short film, especially for one that's less than 3 minutes long.



1. The indication of the film is that abortion IS a choice - a man's choice.

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The weirdest part about the short film is that it APPEARS to be a very pro-life, don't-have-abortions type film, but winds up indicating that there should be a choice allowed - except that the choice should belong to the man alone (aka "the person in the relationship whose body is not carrying a fetus"). The woman wants to have the baby, but the man is pissed off - so the woman is going to get an abortion. Then the man decides he DOES want to have the baby, so the woman has the baby. Weird.



2. WHO TOOK THIS PICTURE?!

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Seriously - was there someone else on the shore snapping photographs of their intimate romantic moments?



3. How do you have a queen-sized bed jammed up against a wall like this?

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If you're single or living in a small New York / San Francisco apartment, that's fine and I get it - but this is a couple and they're living in a decent-sized apartment in the suburbs...maybe don't put your bed in a closet.



4. This guy clearly doesn't care about college that much

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Forget the fact that having a baby and going to college are not mutually exclusive things - there are countless people that managed to do both. Also forget the fact that these two got married right after graduating high school, which would also make college a little more complicated (would be pretty rough on a new teenage marriage to have you two not get into the same schools. The issue is that these two really don't care about going to college that much, period. Apparently are just now checking out the idea of going to college by visiting "CollegeCareers-R-Us.com"...meaning they definitely haven't applied or been accepted to any schools, which indicates going to college isn't THAT big a priority.

So maybe don't be such a dick to your wife and knock over her carefully-arranged blocks, dude.



5. I'm like 90% sure he just told his wife not to get an abortion because he realized he needed someone to help him build a fence

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Seriously - he realized that building a fence would be tough by himself so wanted to have a kid to help him, which is pretty cold-hearted but at least practical.

At the very least, the reason he tells his wife to not get an abortion has nothing to do with HER feelings at all.





Just as a palette-cleanser, here's the scene from Up that the whole short film was clearly referencing. It's maybe the most perfect scene in Pixar history:

[h/t Rebecca]