5. President Trump was obsessed with lying about how many people attended his inauguration
In the least surprising occurrence ever, the thing that has obsessed Donald Trump THE MOST since he became THE MOST POWERFUL HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET is...his own popularity (or, lack thereof). Namely, the size of the crowd at his inauguration.
Here is a quick comparison between the attendance at Barack Obama's presidential inauguration in 2009 to Donald Trump's inauguration in 2017:
This is the exact same angle, taken at approximately the same time in the inauguration process - it's pretty clear that the crowd at Obama's inauguration was sliiiightly larger than Trump's, right? Right. Estimates place Obama's 2009 crowd at somewhere above 1 million people - while estimates for Trump range more around the 250,000 range. At the very least, some hard data from the Washington DC Metro estimates 193k individuals had used the metro system at the time of Trump's inauguration, whereas at the same point in 2009, the number was 513k.
Of course, we don't need to get into that level of data, because WE ALL HAVE EYES AND CAN SEE THE DIFFERENCE IN THE CROWD SIZE.
But little things like "what's clearly true" have not impeded Trump in the past, and they don't seem to be slowing him down as President. In one of his first meetings as President, Trump told the CIA that he had drawn record numbers to his inauguration (and the media was lying about it). And then Sean Spicer, Trump's press secretary, used his first official meeting with the press to say this:
"This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration -- period," Trump White House press secretary claims https://t.co/ICcog0Ivxt-- Bradd Jaffy (@BraddJaffy) January 21, 2017
Yep - that it was the LARGEST INAUGURATION EVER (PERIOD). It was, obviously, not even remotely true - even when you take TV ratings into account, Trump's debut falls behind 2009 Obama, 1980 Reagan, and even 1976 Carter. Yes, Trump was beaten in the TV ratings by Jimmy Carter.
Of course, there's a lot to unpack here - the fact that Spicer took no questions from the press during the press conference, the wild inaccuracy of his comments, the idea that he's deliberately lying to the country to make them mistrust the media, and a dozen or so other grim, ominous points filled with subtext, but the main takeaway here is that everyone got to goof on Sean Spicer's insane, blatant lie that made up the majority of his FIRST official press conference. Speaking of...
4. Everyone spent the whole weekend goofing on Sean Spicer and his obsession with Dippin' Dots
Prior to this election, you probably weren't too familiar with Sean Spicer - who, again, is now the press secretary for the White House, and one of the most important figures in politics and media. It's very unlikely that Sean Spicer even anticipated the possibility of rising to this position, given he spent the past few years bitching about Happy Meals, attending anime conventions, and railing on Dippin' Dots nonstop.
The beautiful part of the internet is that it remembers everything - yes, EVERYTHING. We're entering a new age in politics, where all of the "respectable" politicians who are supposed to represent maturity and an even-keeled demeanor will have a history of drunk Facebook posts, stupid tweets, embarrassing Instagrams, and god knows what else. And Sean Spicer is an incredible example of this - here's a few bits of him complaining about "Daft Funk" (I think he means Daft Punk, but who knows), complaining about his (lack of a) Happy Meal toy, and getting super pumped for an anime convention:
But the best bit found by the internet was his bizarre, years-long war with Dippin' Dots - aka "The Ice Cream of the Future."
So there you have it - the world is going to be constantly lied to by an overgrown anime nerd obsessed with Dippin' Dots and Happy Meals. 2017 is gonna rule.
3. People are saying it's NOT good to punch Nazis???
Not long ago, there was one thing we could all agree on: punching Nazis was good. Nazis were literally supervillains, so cartoonishly evil no one could possibly feel sympathetic to them - so, when in doubt, make the bad guys of your TV show or movie some Nazis. It worked for Indiana Jones (who is best when socking Nazis in their faces), it worked for the Blues Brothers, and it worked for Wolfenstein 3D. In short: punch all the Nazis you want!
Maybe it's just the bizarre election of 2016 that has "normalized" a lot of crazy/insane things, maybe it's that World War II is now a very distant memory for us, or maybe it's that there hasn't been a good Indiana Jones movie since 1989 - but people are actually questioning "Is it okay to punch Nazis?"
The reason behind this incomprehensible line of questioning is that Richard Spencer - the foremost face of Nazism in the United States - got fucking LAID OUT when being interviewed the day of Trump's inauguration (and while explaining internet memes, no less).
It was glorious:
Richard Spencer, in case you weren't aware, is literally a goddamn Nazi. He made the news back in November for leading a "sieg heil" for Trump. Again, he's a Nazi. Punching him is not only good, it's your goddamn DUTY as a member of the human race.
question: how do you make a video of a nazi getting punched better-- Los Ingobernable (@neaterguyonline) January 21, 2017
And while a stranger suckerpunching one Nazi doesn't really accomplish anything in the grand scheme of things, it certainly FEELS right. This dude SHOULD get punched - he's an ACTUAL NAZI.
And yet, some people find this sentiment controversial or wrong - apparently valuing civility and politeness over punching Nazis. I guess these are the same people who think we could have talked Hitler out of the Holocaust with some well-reasoned arguments or something?
Most disappointing in this crowd was Nick Spencer, the current writer (and a very good one at that!) of Captain America (and unrelated to Richard Spencer, just as an FYI), who truly believes that punching Nazis in the face is wrong.
In case you weren't familiar with Captain America's stance on whether it was okay to punch Nazis, here's the cover to the very first issue of Captain America:
And in case you're one of those pedantic types that wants to point to times where Cap disavowed violence, here's what Jack Kirby thought of Nazis:
2. Trump plagiarized a CAKE??
Trump and his administration are known to plagiarize a few things - Melania Trump's speech at the RNC, a few lines from The Dark Knight Rises, and assorted things like that. But now they seem to just be seeing how much they can get away with, because Trump may be one of the few individuals in history to PLAGIARIZE A CAKE.
In case you're wondering what it means to "plagiarize a cake," don't worry - that just means you have a shred of sanity left, which will be useless to you in the current whirlwind of nonsense we're caught in. What we mean by this is that Trump specifically asked a bakery to make him a replica of a specially-made unique cake made for Barack Obama's 2013 inauguration, produced by Charm City Cakes baker Duff Goldman:
The cake on the left is the one I made for President Obama's inauguration 4 years ago. The one on the right is Trumps. I didn't make it. 🤔 pic.twitter.com/qJXpCfPhii-- Duff Goldman (@Duff_Goldman) January 21, 2017
Cake specialists like Goldman put as much effort into the DESIGN of the cake as they do the actual baking process - which is why it's so rare to see elaborate cakes like this re-made by someone who DIDN'T take part in the design process.
The makers of Trump's cake - Buttercream Bakeshop - eventually relented to public pressure and released this rosy statement:
Not too long ago, it felt pretty easy to dismiss the idea that Trump would specifically request to stay in the same room in Moscow that the Obamas had slept in, only to have a prostitute piss on him there out of spite, but now...well, the dude PLAGIARIZED A CAKE.
1. People around the country gathered to protest the new Trump Administration in one of the largest organized protests ever
While Trump's actual inauguration didn't draw out the biggest crowd, the Women's March protest AGAINST Donald Trump drew pretty stellar numbers - between 3.3 and 4.6 million protesters throughout the United States, with about 400k-500k in Washington DC alone. There were support protests around the world as well, from Berlin to Antarctica.
Yes, THAT Antarctica:
So a lot of weird things happened - from cake plagiarizing to weird lies about crowd size to people tsk-tsk-ing punching Nazis, but at least a huge contingent of people gathered together to tell the world that their rights wouldn't be trampled on without a fight.
Oh, and the Dippin' Dots press secretary. That's pretty good too.