We can't all be smooth when trying to talk to the opposite sex, but wooooah Nelly, we didn't realize people lacked this much self-awareness.
So, if you've ever felt bad about saying something cringe-worthy in the middle of a date, well, at least you didn't drop the ball this hard.
1. Knot_My_Name finds a real gentleman.
"I mean, you're not really pretty enough to date, but if you wanna have sex I'm down" Not only did I have a boyfriend but he came up to me at a bar, that I was at with my boyfriend.
2. FlyingQuetzal has an honest man on her hands.
"My mom didn't hold me enough when I was a baby. That's probably why I fell in love with you so quickly." Said on a first date.
3. HouPoop meets a snuggle monster.
For work I had to live for a couple months in a house with three guys I didn't know. They all had girlfriends back home. During one of the first nights when we were all still getting to know each other we stayed up late drinking and chatting. No hint of sexual tension or flirtation. Then two went to bed and I continued talking to the third as we were having a conversation. I am mid-sentence when he interrupts me and says, "So I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend. (Pause) But cuddling wouldn't be out of the question." I was so taken aback and confused that after a brief moment of awkward silence I just picked right back up where I was in my story.
4. jseacat gets asked a personal question.
On a very awkward date, he asked me: "so, at what age did you start wearing tampons?"
5. Sarrargh meets a stripper recruiter.
"You know, you'd do really well in the kind of job where you had to work for tips."
.... well this is odd, but maybe he's trying to be nice. Try and defuse the situation with small talk
"What? Like a waitress? Yeah, I used to do that for a while actua..."
"No." Intense staring -"where you really had to work for them" Edit: to mention that this was an office co-worker and that I don't know my grammar!
6. holidaymoonshine has some stage fright.
A guy on tinder once asked me to sing to his penis.
EDIT: I didn't do it, guys. Never met up with him. Guess I'm just too ashamed of my singing ability:(
7. A since-deleted account can look forward to healthy children.
I was in a line at the mall once and a guy glanced at my chest and said to me "Your children will be well-nourished" and nothing else. He walked away before I got a chance to respond. I went back to my business.
8. mjforever33 meets an MMA fighter.
Went on a date with a guy who then states he had "turned down the olympics in MMA because of school". Not only is MMA not an Olympic sport, but he wasn't even in shape. Date went horrible, I get to my house and promptly ignore his incessant texts until I can figure out a polite way to turn him down. Next day, he sends me the 50th text of the hour and this one says "This makes you my girlfriend, right?"
No. Never. Please no.
Edit: He turned down the Olympics for school. He stated he was accepted into Olympics for MMA as the sport. He did not turn down the Olympics for MMA.
Edited for clarity Edit 2: It could help that he had said this during the WINTER Olympics.
9. gorgeousaurus has class with a statistical genius.
I'm not sure how "awkward" this is, but it sure felt awkward at the time.
My junior year of high school, I had a US history class with this guy I had had a class with once, but with whom I wasn't really friends. The very first day, I take an empty seat a little ways in front of him. About halfway through class, he leaned forward and got my attention to ask if I was a lesbian. I gave him a confused look and he went on, saying "1 in every 10 girls is a lesbian, and there are 10 girls in this class. You have the shortest hair so I figured it was you."
10. stark_knight_rises finds herself real kCeeper.
I went on a blind date with a guy who said, "The girls I'm attracted to are usually either rape victims or were abused by their fathers. So which one are you, rape victim or father abuse victim?"
And then we got married 2 years later.
Just kidding I noped out of there real quick.
11. This woman found a man who knows his way with words.
Once a guy said he wanted to fuck me in my shitbox. That's a fucking gross way to put it.
Thanks for the gold!
12. youranimemom must have a MILF.
"I tried dating your sister once so I could get close to your mom." I'm not even sure why he told me this- we're not even relatively good friends.
Edit: I've just realized, not only was my sister taken at the time, but we're twins. I can't help but feel slightly/weirdly offended.
13. Stayinschool-tty's friend dodged a bullet.
This wan't me but my very good friend.
She went on a terrible online date. and his crowning moment was at the end of dinner when he announces. "You know if it wasn't for my ADD medication I'd have a huge boner right now." She left very soon after.
14. gingeralto has two romantic interactions.
Guy 1: Your hair is prettier than your face.
Guy 2: You are the gap between my ballsack and my anus. You hold me together. Without you, my insides would fall out.
15. This guy admits his awkward opener.
Not a girl but one time I walked up to one and tried to say Hi but farted instead, before I could say anything. I just turned around and left.