It's always such a tense moment meeting a girlfriend's dad for the first time. Will he like you? Will he hate you? Will he endlessly grill you about your "intentions" with his beloved daughter? Most of the time, the dads are pretty low-key & normal, but sometimes the boyfriends end up with stories like these:
Found out he was a high ranking official for the secret service in Poland during the soviet era. He doesn't have to do anything more to terrify me.
We're 16, talking out in front of her house at 8pm, very innocent.
He comes out and start mowing the lawn.
There were three urinals. He pissed in the one next to me.
My piss froze in the middle of my urethra, and I stood there looking like a dumbass.
Edit: lol I was definitely not in the middle urinal, I knew the rules of bathroom, even back then
He stood up. I'm 5'6", he's 6'1"
He sat down on the couch next to me shirtless and just wearing long underwear and said, "let's play a game called 'let's see how uncomfortable we can make Trevor'" (my name isn't even Trevor). Then he proceeded to take me up to his bedroom and tried to coerce me to into smoking pot and doing mushrooms even tho I told him I had never done drugs, never wanted to do drugs, and was expecting to be drug tested as I was trying to get into the military. Eventually he backed off but he was always pretty weird
He actually didn't do anything himself to terrify me, but my gf did it for him. She told me all about how her grandfather (his dad) was a legitimate lumberjack and how he (her dad) was pretty much one too. He chopped wood for fun and at one point his arms were so big that he HAD to cut the sleeves off his flannel shirts. He also used to bow hunt, camp for days, and works out a lot. He's the manliest man I personally know, which is a stark contrast to me. He is a really nice guy and has only made me feel slightly uncomfortable with his sarcasm.
Shot me. Point blank. With a nerf gun. No warning, just at dinner I was having with their family. All he said was "You try any funny business, you'll get the "or nothing".
I was 17 at the time and was really into his 16 y/o daughter. He sat me down at his kitchen table for what I thought would be a talk. Instead, he pulls out a length of rope and demonstrates step by step how to tie a proper noose for hanging someone.
Background: I had recently started dating my girlfriend and had met her dad one time.
I had left a bottle of whiskey at my girlfriend's house. She was out of town for the weekend, so I asked if I could sneak in and grab it. I came in and yelled to see if anyone was home, and no one replied. I went upstairs to grab my bottle, and in bursts her dad with his hands raised asking who I was and saying he was a Judo Champion.
He then realized who I was and we said and awkward goodbye haha.
Dated a girl back in high school who took me to her grandparents for a family reunion type meal.
Sometime after the dinner, her grandfather took me outside to "talk" and we started walking towards his workshop.
So he opens the door and suddenly I am staring down the barrel of a cannon. Not a model, not a toy.
A fully functioning Civil War Cannon surround by all manner of historical weaponry. Muskets, rifles, swords, bayonets, battle axes, even a fucking suit of armor. You name it, old boy collected it.
Needless to say...I knew right then and there that Gramps didn't fuck around and I probably shouldn't do anything to really piss of his granddaughter.
Clammed up, basically acted as if I wasn't there, and if I did talk to him, I got single word answers. This is an ACTUAL conversation when I was stuck in a car with him.
"What do you do?"
"Been doing that a long time?"
"How many years?"
"What are you planning to do when you retire?"
"Where in Florida?"
"So, like, Tampa?"
My girlfriend gets a text the next day from him saying I'm a great guy and he's happy she's dating me.
EDIT: Wow, this blew up. Should also mention that he sounds exactly like Bill from Kill Bill
Broke my rear driver window with a cricket bat.
Shook my hand real firm and asked "hello, are you fucking my daughter in your apartment"
No introduction, wouldn't let go without an answer. I'm really tall and he is a short stocky wrestler. 14 years later...Still together.
I once came to a girl's house to pick her up for a date in high school, and her father answered the door and said "come on in."
So I followed him inside, to discover the dining room table covered in disassembled firearms and he casually sat back down, resuming oiling and assembling everything, looked up and asked "so what are you kids up to tonight?"
He's blind. He asked if he could feel my face to get an idea of what I looked like. It was awkward but my GF, A, was smiling brightly so I felt a little proud. The he stepped back, shrugged his shoulders, and said "eh, you can do better, A"
He's my father-in-law now and one of the funniest and smartest men I've ever known.