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The life of a retail worker is a rough one. Constantly dealing with annoying customers for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week quickly devolves into a nightmare. It's this reason why it's not uncommon to have some mental slip-ups and say some shit that you kinda wish never left your mouth.

1. heyybeth -- Jokes involving death are hit or miss. 

A lady was complaining about her parents in law and told me to make sure I like the parents of whoever I marry. So I said "Oh my fiancé's parents are dead so I lucked out." She did not laugh.

2. youngloudandsnotty -- Did you have to send her to timeout? 

I was talking with a customer on the phone and giving her answers she didn't like. Then she, this grown ass woman, just starts whining. Not like using words with a whiny voice but actually doing a "uuuuuhhhnnnnnnn" kind of whining. 

I've worked with toddlers a lot so it was just instinct to say back to her "Ma'am, please use your words" as if I was talking to a 3 year old. 

It did not go over well.

3. greenPotate -- It's true, though. 

A customer tried to exchange cash with me and I told her no and explained that we can't as a policy to protect against fast change artists. She really suspiciously, in an exasperated voice, was like "but I'm obviously not a fast change artist!" and without thinking I, "That sounds like something a fast change artist would say."

4. piknick1994 -- Hey, this one worked out nicely. 

Not what I said but how I said it. 

Waiting tables and I get this friendly looking couple. I walk up and before I can start with the pleasantries the guy sees me, and in a heavy Australian accent, he says "hi there mate. How are you."

I was thrown off by the accent and by being interrupted before making an introduction and for whatever reason, my mind could only focus on the accent, and so, when I went to respond I did it in an Australian accent -- "not too bad mate. Yourself".

I realized i was doing it as it was leaving my mouth but I couldn't stop. I was convinced I was gonna get pinched square in the face... turns out my fake Australian accent isn't bad. The guy is delighted to meet an Australian. Asks if I'm in America on the Work program. 

Now I'm stuck. If I admit I'm not Australian I'm worried he'll be offended even though I didn't mean to offend him. If not, I have to play this part for the next hour. 

Yeah. I committed to the role. Got a 40% tip though so that was kinda nice and worth the stress.

5. InverseHivemind -- Protest away. I'm making 13/hr watching your dumb pickets.

"if you wanna make some dumb protest against my company and waste my time that's fine, I'm still getting paid while you're wasting your time"

Got written up for that one

6. sportsworker777 -- Freudian slip. 

I was on a call with a customer who was complaining and absolutely irate. I had only been on the job for a few weeks and was becoming flustered. There was literally nothing I could do to calm this person down or get him to accept my answers. I was finally about to get him off the line when he made a sarcastic comment to the extent of "wow thanks, you've been such a great help." In my rush to say "no problem" or "you're welcome" I ended up saying "your problem" and hanging up. He called several times after that and I just ignored the calls because I was so exhausted.

7. oliveu14 -- Hopefully he took it well. 

This guy ordered three coffees, I brought him two immediately after ordering so he asked where his third one was..

First response out my mouth was "I only have two arms."

8. puppyninjas -- I like this one. 

Fast food. 15 years old.

Customer is screaming at a rookie. Said rookie walks away to get a manager. 

Customer turns to me, "get her back here, I want to give her a piece of my mind."

Me: "are you sure you have enough pieces to spare?"

9. MnMsLoser -- But come on, people. It is far easier. 

I answered a customer call when I worked at a movie theater and it was a couple asking me for directions to the theater from wherever they were. They were driving and getting frustrated with me, and I was kind of getting frustrated with them for being mad at me when I assumed they were talking to me on a smartphone, so at some point I said something like, "most people would just use the internet." They did not like that.

10. NotoriousTNT -- RIP her dad and your brain. 

In high school I worked as a dry cleaner. Woman comes in, her dad died. Wants me to iron the suit he would be buried in. I ask her what kind of starch she would like. She asks what I recommend. 

I, in all of my infinite wisdom, said "well I'm assuming he won't be moving around much so a light starch is fine" and then immediately apologized and mentally died inside

11. bigfatbelushi -- Uhoh, maybe she was? 

I'm a dude, and had somewhat long hair in high school. I was working at the local supermarket and this older woman, 50s or 60s, asked if I was wearing a wig. I responded by saying no, and replied with the same question, after which she gave me an appalled look like I had called her a cunt or something.

12. pm_cute_selfies -- Even though it's in a bag and wrapped, it still feels violated. 

I used to work at Jimmy Johns, 

When we made a drive through order, the person who wraps the sandwich would bag it, and toss it across the restaurant to the drive through person to hand it out after they took the payment. 

I was the drive through person and dropped the wrapped, and bagged sandwich. Without thinking, I just picked it up, and handed it to the customer. 

He goes "you're seriously going to serve me that?" 

My instant reaction was to ask "Oh, you saw that?"

He was not amused.

13. 2cfnr -- Not coming back would be doing every retail employees dream scenario.

After the standard customer bitch fest, ending with "And I am never shopping here again!" I gave her a smile and said, "Thank you, we sure would appreciate that." She stood there with her mouth open while I moved on to the next customer.